Three and in – not just another football blog

In a professional career spanning almost two decades, Simon Smith has played for over sixty-seven clubs. The ultimate utility player, as his pace has diminished Simon has managed to reinvent himself time and again, from poacher to holding midfielder, centre-back to goalkeeper. Now that his website has been closed down, we have exclusive access to his weekly column.

I was as surprised as anyone to see Glenn Hoddle throw his hat into the ring for the vacant England manager’s job. I was similarly (but not quite so) surprised to find out quite how long it has been since he made those comments. They obviously overshadowed his short reign as top managerial dog but that’s hardly surprising. I think that, for me, it’s not so much the comments themselves that I find distasteful; it was the ignorance behind them that was so offensive. ‘England will play in the Christmas tree formation.’ ‘I think that the Christmas tree formation is the way forward for England.’ Even writing those down here make me feel dirty. There were many scapegoats for England’s dismal 2010 World Cup showing but I seemed to be the only one tracing our problems back to those catastrophic two or three games that set us back at least 50 years in terms of tactics.

Maybe this is just one man’s opinion, but I would rather have a manager who is tactically astute and analyses the opposition than one who arranges his players in a shape that he likes. They may look awesome in those aerial shots from the Goodyear Blimp but I think England should be setting their sights higher than that. Perhaps I’m being unfair though. Perhaps Hoddle would be an excellent appointment and we would have great success with a smiley face formation. Who am I to say that his (probable) insistence on a happy puppy playing with a kitten formation won’t get us out of the group stages at the Euros?

Some observers have also raked up his close relationship with Eileen Drewery and some less noteworthy comments he made about karma. Regarding the England job, Hoddle confused me on Monday when he said, ‘If I were to die tomorrow, my life would be incomplete.’ Wasn’t the whole problem that Eileen said everyone gets loads more?! Reincarnation is a complex issue. Roberto Baggio is a practicing Buddhist and I always found it tricky during my time in Italy to convince him to do anything he didn’t want to do. The whole ‘you only live once’ thing doesn’t really hold much water. I believe it’s the same for cats. Fair play to The Divine Ponytail though, he didn’t know a lot of English but he learned enough to utter just one sentence to me. ‘Perhaps in your next life you’ll be reborn as a footballer.’ Cracking banter, that’s the sort of thing only close friends can get away with!

Hoddle is clearly hoping to put his mistakes behind him and is worried that they will not cost him to dearly in the future. It is something that we can all relate to even if we don’t all create absurd paradoxes in our own logic while doing so. A few years ago everything was lined up for me to have a second spell at Luton Town. The bossman was new to the job and I think the chairbossman took a backseat when it came to signings so they were all happy for it to happen and I was keen to lay one or two ghosts to rest at Kennilworth Road. The fans were quick to fill in the bossman and chairbossman about my previous stint and had clearly not yet forgiven me. The protests were intense and very well attended.

I was a striker when I first plied my trade in Bedfordshire and I must say I wasn’t at my most prolific. I had one especially barren run that came to an end at a home match against Wycombe. I buried an easy chance and made straight for the fans. I punched the air and made it clear just how much the goal meant to me. I reached down to stretch my shirt for the badge kiss. I am still not sure what it was that made me sneeze, perhaps I’d overdone the pepper on my pre-match cheese, but I can see how it could have looked like spitting from a distance.

I know I could have done a job in my new role as a midfielder and I often think about what could have been. Absolutely no hard feelings this end and I just hope that Hatters fans have forgiven me now. I’m still available. If you provide the antihistamines then I’ll provide the solid keeper performances!

In other news I see that Wayne Rooney has broken the arm of a fan and it is good to see not only that it was an accident but that he has already been forgiven. Happy the kid is alright and he’ll have a heck of a story for the rest of his life! In actual fact the lad was a United fan in the home stand at Wolves so if anything Wayne was saving the stewards a job as he’d only have been evicted anyway. I know first hand the dangers of away fans sitting in the home end at a ground. More times than I care to recall I have heard boos emanating from ‘our’ fans whenever I touch the ball so clearly the police are doing a pretty shoddy job of separating the supporters. Good on Wazza for taking matters into his own hands.

Must be said that even us pros can be a bit wild when pulling the trigger in those pre-game warm ups! I’m still reminded of the time that one of my looseners ended up in the stands and caught a baby on the head. It must be noted that it was a mishit and also skimmed the advertising boards so it’s not fair to have a go at me about not having enough power in my shot to wake a baby. Admittedly (and thankfully) there was not enough pace on the ball to cause the baby any distress but it did wake her up so those chants were completely inaccurate. I’m not ashamed to say that they got to me a bit and I did miss a few sitters as a result. It was also selfish of me to deliberately over-hit every corner to try and make a point.

One to Watch

Now, I spend a lot of my time absorbing as much football as I can. I love how much Premiership and Football League football coverage there is out there but I also like to scour the more obscure leagues that a lot of people miss. There’s a lot of talent out there waiting to be discovered so I’ll bring you a ‘one to watch’ every now and then. This week: Lionel Messi. He’s only 24 but has already bagged a few goals for Barcelona. I really think he could become a decent player.

Follow me on twitter, @simon9smithpro

On Saturday Wayne Rooney elbowed James McCarthy in the side of the head. It was unprovoked and worthy of a red card.

Despite video evidence Rooney has gotten away with it. Ref’s chief Mike Riley said:

Mark took the correct course of action with this incident. In this incident Mark was following play but caught sight of two players coming together and he awarded a free-kick because he believed one player had impeded the other. We should be clear that Mark did nothing wrong in officiating this incident as he acted on what he saw on the pitch.

Clearly Clattenburg didn’t see what happened. You might suggest he did but I choose to think he didn’t. I choose to believe that he was unable to see exactly what Rooney did and it’s only the vagaries of the system, which says a player can’t be punished by video evidence for an incident already dealt with, which has prevented Rooney getting the ban he deserved. I choose to believe that had he seen Rooney’s elbow he would have sent him off. The decision to give a free kick was based on his belief that it was just a coming together.

I try not to buy into referee conspiracies, the widely held belief that Man United get away with more than anyone else, for example. You might think that, but ask United fans and they won’t agree. They’ll say Arsenal get away with more, or Liverpool, or Chelsea. It’s a matter of perspective. And as fans we can only have one.

And while I think the game has some issues if referees really are bent then we’re in big trouble. What has to change is the rule, the loophole, which prevents referees taking a second look at something they may have only caught out of the corner of their eye. In this day and age it’s stupid and prevents justice from being done.

So while Clattenburg is never going to top anyone’s list of ‘officials that are better than Stevie Wonder’ the real issue is the rule which has let Rooney get away with violent conduct.

And take part in three games crucial to United’s season. He’s a lucky boy.

Yesterday, Wayne Rooney released his first official comment on his desire to leave Old Trafford. Note: his first ‘official’ comment. It is briefings from Rooney’s camps that have fuelled these stories for the past five days.

When the statement finally arrived, it didn’t make for pretty reading. The choicest extract is probably:

“I was interested to hear what Sir Alex had to say yesterday and surprised by some of it.  It is absolutely true, as he said, that my agent [Paul Stretford] and I have had a number of meetings with the club about a new contract. During those meetings in August I asked for assurances about the continued ability of the club to attract the top players in the world.

I met with [United's chief executive] David Gill last week and he did not give me any of the assurances I was seeking about the future squad.  I then told him that I would not be signing a new contract.”

It seems Rooney has paid close attention to the Roy Keane Guide on How to Implode Your Status as a United Hero.  Implicit in what he says is a criticism of both the current playing staff and the ambition of the club.  It makes it almost impossible to imagine any kind of reconciliation, and with Ferguson and David Gill due to convene tomorrow, I wouldn’t be surprised if Rooney has played his last game for the club.

Now let’s get one thing clear: much of what Rooney says is true.  Judging by their recent transfer activity, United can no longer compete wih the Citys and Real Madrids of this world.  Alex Ferguson’s continued refusal to criticise the Glazers mask an economic uncertainty which threatens the team’s continued success on the football pitch.

That, however, does not excuse Rooney’s words.  Rooney may be on the side of the truth, but the is not on the side of loyalty, integrity and honour. I don’t doubt that Sir Alex Ferguson has twisted the facts slightly in order to protect the image of his club, but he is just doing his job. He is under contract to serve Manchester United. So is Wayne Rooney, although he appears to have forgotten that slightly awkward reality.

It’s the question on the mind of every United fan, and Sir Alex Ferguson himself.  Having reportedly informed the club of his unwillingness to sign a new contract, Rooney has made his position at United as good as untenable.  The idea of losing him for nothing is simply not palatable, and his value is depreciating with every month.  United have a business to run, and debts to serve.  If Rooney is as determined to leave Old Trafford as the press suppose, then it’s a question of if not when his club decide to cash in.

There is an argument that now is the optimum time for United to get a return on their £25.6m investment.  Rooney is definitely out of sorts, and has scored just once from open play since picking up an ankle injury against Bayern Munich in March.  Since then, personal problems off the field have precipitated problems on it.  His most telling contribution at the World Cup was this remark to the cameras in the wake of a draw with Algeria:

The start of the domestic season saw tabloid revelations coincide with his poorest run of form in years. Of late, he’s been left out of the side, with his manager declaring him “injured” in spite of the player’s claims to the contrary.

There is a consensus growing that Rooney’s star might be burning out.  On The Guardian’s Football Weekly podcast, recorded live in Rooney’s hometown of Liverpool, a salient comparison was made with scouse strikers Robbie Fowler and Michael Owen.  Like Rooney, both players burst on to the scene in their teens amid wild fanfare and expectation.  And both players’ careers petered out in their mid-twenties.  Wayne Rooney is 25 next week.  He has played top flight football for almost a decade.  Perhaps his precocity has a price, and he is destined to fade well before many had expected.

That’s just one argument, mind.  It’s easy to forget that last season was hailed as Rooney’s best.  He thrived off service from the likes of Nani and Valencia to become one of Europe’s most prolific centre-forwards.  Several patchy months later, and he’s being written off.  Despite his apparent unhappiness, and the financial windfall a sale would bring, United and Ferguson will most likely be desperate to keep hold of their most prized asset.

It seems unlikely he’ll head anywhere in January.  He’s cup-tied in the Champions League, and whilst that wouldn’t impact upon all suitors, it is extremely rare for a marquee player to move outside of the summer window.  Summer, after all, is marquee season.

One man who knows a thing or two about when to let a player go is convinced Rooney will remain at United beyond even then: Arsene Wenger.  Having sold the likes of Thierry Henry and Patrick Vieira in the past, Wenger has the authority to speak about when it is time for stars to move on.  He, however, seems certain about where Rooney’s future lies:

“I am convinced he will stay at Manchester United because it is his club. They have the power to keep him and I don’t believe in the story.

When you give a great player a rest you have a story. Rooney is Rooney. He will stay where he is.”

Wenger’s conviction is no doubt built on his faith in a club-controlled transfer market, where player power is secondary to stable, well-run institutions.  It is this philosophy that saw Arsenal resist Barcelona’s bid for Cesc Fabregas just a few months ago.  Whether a club in as perilous an economic situation as United could do the same remains to be seen.

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United fans, what do you reckon?  Is Wayne on the wane, or is this just a blip?  And if he really is determined not to sign a new deal, how quickly should United get shot of him?  And would you ever, ever accept a bid from City?

Hysterical media reaction to things is very much the norm nowadays, yet Wayne Rooney saying he doesn’t have an ankle injury has become a big fight with his manager. According to the press he’s on his way to Real Madrid because of such comments.

From the press:

No, I’ve had no ankle problem all season.” Then when asked “Why did Alex Ferguson say you had?”, Rooney laughed and replied: “I don’t know.”

Yet it’s obvious. On October 1st Ferguson said:

He has been playing a few weeks with his niggling ankle injury and he’s kept it to himself, so it comes to a point where it suffers. He thinks he’s fit because he always thinks he’s fit. That’s the problem with the lad.

So, Rooney always thinks he’s fit and tells reporters he’s fit but according to his manager he always thinks he’s fit even when he’s injured.

Rooney saying he’s got no injury will be no surprise to the United manager … so where’s the fight? Where do the stories about Rooney wanting to go to Madrid come from? Then you remember it’s been a slow week with internationals and the real stuff starts again on Saturday. Create a story before the pre-game press conferences – that’s assuming United have one – and off you go.

The bottom line is Rooney either has an injury or he doesn’t but even if he did he wouldn’t know about it. And we know this because Ferguson told us.

A total non-story.

It started well. After two minutes Wayne Rooney put Man United 2-1 up in the first leg of their Champions League quarter-final against Bayern Munich. It ended badly. He left the stadium on crutches after picking up an ankle injury. At the time United described it as ‘not serious’ and Rooney was back to play in the second leg. He was subdued, a shadow of the player he had been up until then, and lasted only 55 minutes before being replaced by John O’Shea.

The goal in Munich was his last until a penalty against West Ham on the 28th of August. It remains his only United goal of the season and he has just one goal in his last ten games for the club.

You can point to the goings-on in Rooney’s personal life if you wish but I think most players, certainly ones with the character and desire of Rooney, see football as an escape from the difficulties they suffer off the pitch. If anything we see improved performances. I’m not suggesting he’s not been affected by the tabloid guff but it’s more likely Wayne Rooney is a player shorn of confidence exacerbated by lack of fitness.

United needed him at the end of last season. Before the second leg of the Bayern tie he had scored 34 goals. He was carrying the team with little or no help from those around him. £30m Dimitar Berbatov got the last of his 12 goals in the game before the first leg against Bayern. Without Rooney’s goals Alex Ferguson knew United couldn’t win the league. He took a gamble, Rooney played through the pain for United and England, and it has backfired.

The United manager dismissed reports that Rooney’s injury was an ‘injury’ and designed to give him time off because of everything else that has been going on. He said:

What do you want me to say? Do you want me to describe every ligament? Christ.  I think Wayne will be [out for] two to three weeks. In fairness, he’s a strong lad and has recovered from injures in the past.  Nobody likes to be injured, it’s straightforward. Wayne would like to be out here training and playing with us but he’s not.

Berbatov’s improved form allows United to get Rooney properly fit but even now that the Bulgarian has found his shooting boots you don’t simply do without a player like Wayne Rooney unless he’s genuinely injured. All players go through periods of bad form, Rooney is clearly going through one now, but struggling with form when not fully fit makes it so much harder to pull through the other side.

If it takes longer than two to three weeks that’s something United should live with. The spell on the sidelines may give him to reflect on his life off the pitch but more importantly it’ll ensure he’s well again on it.

In his pre-match press conference today, Arsene Wenger said it required a “little miracle” to get all your players back from International duty without sustaining injury.  And miracles, as we all know, rarely happen.  Occasionally there will be a moment of such karmic perfection that one can only put it down to the influence of the divine – John Terry slipping in Moscow, for example – but for the most part, football is a Godless world.

For confirmation, Wenger need only look at his injury list.  Thomas Vermaelen picked up an achilles problem with Belgium, whilst Theo Walcott is expected to miss 4-6 weeks after being stretchered off against Switzerland.  The decimating power of International football has grown so strong that Robin van Persie conspired to double his lay-off without even going away with the Dutch squad.

Liverpool have lost Dirk Kuyt for a month, and Spurs have woken up to the lovely surprise that they will be without Jermain Defoe until December.  United haven’t suffered any major injuries as far as I’m aware, but one suspects Wayne Rooney may return to Carrington with a few mental bruises.

The big winners, then, are surely Chelsea.  Their key players, Frank Lampard and John Terry, neglected to travel with England, belying their status as ‘lionhearts’.  Lampard underwent a groin operation but will conveniently be fit in time for Chelsea’s trip to Upton park tomorrow, whereas Terry simply chose the week as a suitable point to rest a hamstring strain he claims to have been carrying since the World Cup.

What the pair seem to have both carried since the World Cup is a reticence to embrace International football.  Lampard said returning to training Chelsea was a “tea party” in comparison to his England experiences, whilst Terry spent the summer making all kinds of unfortunate headlines.  They could have undergone this time on the sidelines at any point, but clearly prioritised their club over country.  And who can blame them?

Carlo Ancelotti and Chelsea will have been delighted.  Ancelotti’s countryman, Fabio Capello, less so.  If he is reassert his authority over the two truants, the only way to do so is to make them earn their place back in the team.

Wayne Rooney must have known they would one day come for him.  The knives were sharpened six years ago, but Rooney was spared on account of his extraordinary gifts.  Here was a young player seemingly capable of driving the England team on to glory.

This summer’s failed World Cup campaign, then, might have heralded the end of the ceasefire on Rooney.  Like Beckham and Gazza before him, he will be hung out to dry because it is ruled that the torment of his personal life will sell more papers than average England performances.

The character limit of twitter doesn’t often produce eloquence, but Gareth Miller‘s summary of the Rooney situation merits repeating:

“I find it difficult that Murdoch funds the the footballer lifestyle and profits from articles based on excesses he created.”

It’s like Simon Cowell being behind Heat magazine as well as the X-Factor, simultaneously chronicling the downfall of the mentally ill ‘contestants’ he parades before the public.  Britain’s media are happy to overhype their footballers, safe in the knowledge that the greater their stock, the more cash there is to made from knocking them down.

Don’t get me wrong – my sympathies with Rooney himself don’t extend too far.  Assuming that the reports in this weekends papers are true, it is his stupidity that bothers me most.  But I daren’t pass any kind of judgement on the moral vaguaries of another man’s life.  Frankly, it doesn’t feel like it’s any of my business.

I feel nothing towards Rooney.  Neither pity nor anger.  But I do feel disappointed and frustrated by a media so full of contradictions and hypocrisy.  Take Gary Lineker, who left the Mail on Sunday after they derailed England’s World Cup bid by secretly recording Lord Triesman in conversation, only to turn up at the News of the World – currently embroiled in a tapping scandal of their own.  Then there are the peverse ethics of the red-tops, at once glamourising the ‘vice girls’ in question yet condemning the footballers who stoop to take their custom.  Their moral parameters shift according to who and what will sell the most papers.

Rooney is not the first, and will not be the last.  And for whoever follows him as the golden boy of English football, let him be warned that those same publications that make you a star will oversee your implosion, in a supernova of slander, sleaze, and poorly-punned headlines.

So Wayne Rooney smoked a cigarette on a night out with friends. This was eagerly reported by The Sun who spoke of ‘Fergie’s fury’ at such disgraceful, abhorrent behaviour. Did Rooney promise to give up the last time he was snapped having a crafty fag? Is that why the United manager is so angry? It can’t be that he’s shocked at the fact Rooney smoked.

He joins luminaries like Dimitar Berbatov, William Gallas, Zinedine Zidane, Gianluca Vialli, Fabian Barthez and plenty more as confirmed, snapped in the act, smokers. There must be countless others who are clever enough not to get caught. And really, nobody cares.

Clearly it’s in the interests of professional athletes not to smoke but when you perform like Rooney does for United it’s pretty much a non-story. You can’t help but think England’s World Cup failure and Rooney’s ill-judged remarks to the camera are to blame.

Pre-season is interminably dull at the best of times, national newspapers trying to get a bit of ill-judged revenge by publishing pictures of a footballer smoking don’t make things any more exciting.

Real footbal,l and real stories, soon, please.

The worst ever England performance in a major tournament? Maybe, just maybe. As the dejected players trudged from the field after the Algeria game, the plea for kindness articulated in my last blog fell on deaf ears. The vuvuzelas were finally drowned out by, what else, the sound of English fans booing. Wayne Rooney, having played arguably the worst game of his professional career, looked down the lens of the nearest camera and uttered the following words:

‘Nice to hear your home (sic) fans boo you, that’s loyal supporters.’

Now, many things have troubled me since that woeful display on Friday night. Should the formation change for the Slovenia match? Was John Terry right to speak to the press before his manager? Why was Joe Cole taking a shower after the game? The latter one of many nuggets liberally sprinkled throughout Pavlos Joseph’s hilarious Sunday Mirror video exclusive. Whilst on the topic, how long ‘til that clown is given his own column in one of the dailies? One thing I can honestly say though is that I did not for one second feel aggrieved by Rooney’s comments or satiated when an apology was offered.

We’re a funny bunch, we English. By virtue of being Jewish, I have always thought of myself as being, in Hanif Kureishi’s words, ‘an Englishman born and bred, almost.’ From this vantage point, and without getting too political, I have been intrigued of late by the differing responses of acquaintances to significant world events. After the Gaza aid flotilla incident last month, my facebook feed was awash with statuses from Zionist friends akin to ‘- is prouder to be Jewish than ever before.’ After Friday, the bulk of the social networking activity I encountered revolved around pals ‘ashamed to be English’ or the like. A friend of mine believes nobody does pride quite like gays or grandparents. I would add Jews to the list, even if it does bugger up the alliteration slightly. Although perhaps there’s also a YouTube video doing the rounds showing the Algeria game from another angle which proves we were actually awesome. Somehow I doubt it.

Football is a game of opinions, never more so than in this country at this time. I expect little to no support on this issue but I simple wasn’t offended by Rooney’s words. Do I think it was a foolish thing to do? Yes. But then so was the press response. The day after the game you would think the papers were describing Enoch Powell’s ‘Rivers of Blood’ speech. Words like ‘disgraceful rant’ were being thrown around along with ‘England star shame’ as he ‘blasts’ and ‘lambasts’ the fans. Really? An ill-considered two line sarcastic comment in the heat of the moment from a player furious with himself and his teammates does not a hate speech make. Worse still, it’s a smokescreen. Any focus on the outburst simply served to shift attention away from the most abject display imaginable. Only in England.

I am not a booer. Never have been. In fact, I was brought up to not even ‘cuss people out’ if my team had beaten theirs, something I have always been very grateful for as football has a funny way of coming back to bite you in the arse if you do behave in such a manner. That being said, I can understand the frustration of those present who had spent thousands of pounds to be there. My attitude is that they are entitled to boo but I would prefer if they didn’t, like watching BBC Three. I am loath to agree with ‘England’s Brave’ John Terry on any issue but I thought he was right to suggest that such a response should be saved for Wednesday if we crash out, this was the equivalent of jeering at the 60 minute stage (66.6 recurring in fact but then my maths is probably better than EBJT’s). I have travelled an awful long way to witness some pretty abysmal performances over the years including a first half against Ecuador in the round of 16 four years ago in which England failed to work the keeper. Some around me expressed their displeasure; I couldn’t see the benefit. Indeed, if, as has been suggested in some quarters, the real reason for the poor form of England’s players thus far has been stage fright then abuse from their own fans seems somewhat counterintuitive. And I don’t buy the whole ‘we pay the money, we can do what we want’ line of argument because where does one draw the line? Homophobia? Racism? If it’s simply booing and nothing more then any fan is entitled to vent some spleen but, with the team still in the competition, how could it possibly help?

Almost two years ago, a pair of silly broadcasters made an inappropriate prank call to an elderly sitcom actor. Once alerted by the media, the public were apoplectic. A week or two later, the nation was outraged when a fat, old journalist who was really poor at dancing was criticised by professional dancers on a celebrity dancing show. In a wave of hysteria and anger on both sides of the fence, John Sergeant quit Strictly. I remember thinking then that things had been changed by Sachsgate and would never be the same again. There is now a culture of offence in this country like never before and it’s dictated by the tabloid press. Put it this way, do you think a single England fan present in Cape Town received a text from a friend watching on TV back home informing them of Rooney’s remarks proceeded to cry themselves to sleep? Again, I doubt it. That being said, if we play that badly again this afternoon I will be weeping into my pillow. And demanding apologies.