Three and in – not just another football blog

In a professional career spanning almost two decades, Simon Smith has played for over sixty-seven clubs. The ultimate utility player, as his pace has diminished Simon has managed to reinvent himself time and again, from poacher to holding midfielder, centre-back to goalkeeper. Now that his website has been closed down, we have exclusive access to his weekly column.

Thursday was no ordinary night in the Smith household. Instead of an evening slumped in front of Channel 5 watching Ice Road Truckers, Clarissa and I spent this most unusual of Thursday nights slumped in front of Channel 5 watching football. Manchester United were comprehensively beaten but their poor rich neighbours suffered the agony of an exit on the away goals rule. If there was anything to cheer the English it was the sight of Joe Hart heading up for a corner in the closing stages for the second time in a week. This desperate bid to save the game earned unanimous plaudits as his last gasp header so nearly sent City through but, as so often seems to be the case, there is one rule for the big clubs and quite another for the rest. Hart was applauded for his attacking instinct against both Swansea and Sporting Lisbon but at one point a few years ago I was doing it almost every week for Barnet and, without meaning to blow my own trumpet too much, far earlier in the game. Was I praised for attempting to break the deadlock in cagey encounters? Was I forgiven when the bossman made a substitution after we won a corner (something it’s generally established is a bad idea) and the amount of time that elapsed coupled with the crowded area caused me to forget myself and instead of nodding the ball into an empty net, pluck the ball out of the air with my hands and go to ground to help run out the clock? Was I able to re-establish my place in the side after the seven consecutive games in which I was still stranded in our opponents’ half when they scored? No, no, a hundred times no. Football can be a cruel mistress. Still, it wasn’t entirely in vain. I like to think of myself as something of a trailblazer and it seems Harty learned a thing or two from this old pro. I wish I could say similar about the game between Chelsea and Napoli the night before. With Chelsea 5-4 up on aggregate I really felt the keeper should have gone up for a corner late on. A goal from Cech really would have rounded off a special European night for Chelsea but sadly he remained rooted in his box. Pity, an opportunity missed.

People generally seem to think the away goals rule is a good thing but it is not without its faults. Take Thursday night for example. Without the rule, the 3-3 aggregate score would have meant the scratchcard of a penalty shootout. Everyone loves penalties, particularly the keepers. It really is a lovely moment when you stride up to your opposite number for good luck hug. Where else can I find a cuddle and a pat on the bum apart from when I buy my fish? I speak from experience when I say we are afforded very few opportunities to embrace as players and the fans tend not to like you spending too much of a game focused on finding an opportunity. They’ll never admit it but all footballers love a cuddle. It’s why refs let a lot of holding go at corners. This is not to mention that the accumulated effect of these cuddles is to combat homophobia in football in a far more effective manner than any BBC Three documentary.

The away goals rule is not tantamount to a hate crime although it can also lead to nastiness. I recall at Arsenal losing 2-0 at home in the first leg once during a European knockout game. We failed to score in the away leg, drew 0-0 and went crashing out 2-0 on aggregate. Each of our 0 goals counted double but even that wasn’t enough. We were punished for failing to get any crucial away goals. On another occasion we were away first leg, got a decent 0-0 draw in Moscow, then at Highbury we were 3-2 up with seconds remaining. With away goals counting double it actually meant we were 4-3 down. Fortunately we got a corner and, eager as ever, I rushed forward. Bizarrely Anders and Smudger seemed content to keep the ball in the corner and the bossman was gesticulating that I should get back in goal. These guys seemed content to win on the night but crash out of Europe. A bizarre lack of ambition. Sadly Smudge was dispossessed and I was lobbed from the halfway line whilst desperately trying to get back. And who do you think ended up copping the stick for our exit? No prizes for guessing. Nobody else seemed to realise we’d have gone out anyway but that’s just the nature of sportswriting in this country I suppose. As a keeper, being a scapegoat comes with the territory.

Having said all of this, the away goals rule was implemented to encourage teams to attack away from home; this can only be a good thing. I simply think the rule should be uniform across the board. It should be implemented in the league as soon as possible. Further still, away goals should count double in the scoring charts. Nobody wants to see Pele’s scoring records last forever, that’s boring. It’s brilliant when these things are broken. Imagine just how many goals Van Persie would have got last season if this rule had been in place. I’m sure some very clever bods with their computers could work it out but even I can deduce it’d be a hell of a lot!

Everyone loves a keeper going up for a corner; along with an outfield player going in goal it’s pretty much the best thing about the beautiful game. In ice hockey the keeper comes out more often than not in the death throes of a game and in basketball the keeper goes up with every single attack. I really think this is the reason football has never gone huge across the pond. If away goals were introduced for league games then Harty and myself wouldn’t be the only ones going up for corners every game. And if there’s one thing we all love, from fans to managers, it’s an open game with lots of goals and very little focus on defending.

Follow me on twitter, @simon9smithpro

Lawrence Gray-Hodson

Every so often Lawrence Gray-Hodson, a man who made his name in the upper reaches of Division 2 in the 1970s and 80s as well as being a former Scotland and England international, writes a column exclusively for Three and in.

This week he opines on Roberto Mancini’s touchline behaviour
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You’ve got to ask: what is Roberto Mancini? Is he a dapper, scarf-sporting, handsome footballer manager who loves a good ragu, or is he a magician?

If it’s the former then he should get on with the job he knows best: alienating players and getting his team to win matches. Too often in recent weeks though he seems to be on the sidelines wishing he had a deck of cards to play with.

Clichy gets fouled, Mancini flicks the eight of clubs at the ref. Oh look, a trip on Milner and there’s Mancini with the ace of diamonds. Edward Dzeko finds himself flattened by a beautifully timed two-footed tackle and there’s Robert Scarfino shuffling the entire deck. And despite all these cards being different they have one thing in common. Their colour.

They’re all red. Or yellow. Perhaps it’s the continental influence but seeing Mancini waves cards around like that on the sideline makes me sick to my stomach although not quite sick enough to get sick. Maybe sick enough to do one of those burps where a bit of sick comes up but you swallow it down quickly again.

I remember back in my playing days we’d never have dared wave an imaginary card in the air. It would have been a sign of weakness, almost as if waving an imaginary card meant you had an imaginary friend called Aubrey with whom you played in a make-believe world called Cissy Town. Once, when we played Leeds in the cup, our right back Jack Morgan got kicked in the knee by Billy Bremner.

“You’ve gotta book him for that, ref,” said Morgan.

The ref did nothing and after the game, in the player’s lounge, Bremner and Jack Charlton leathered the tar out of him. Normally you’d defend a teammate but this time we stood back and let them pummel him. It’s one thing shattering a bloke’s kneecap, but asking the ref to book him was going too far.

And this brings me to Mancini’s rank hypocrisy when it comes to tackling. Oh, it’s ok for Vincent Kompany to jump in with two feet but as soon as Glen Johnston did it he was opposed to it. It reminded me of people who say ‘Yes, we should allow tinkers to settle with their caravans in fields near housing estates’, but as soon as these noble, pot-selling people come into their area they’re up in arms.

I’d like to see a new rule brought in to wipe this scourge from the game. Any foreign manager who waves an imaginary card ought to be given a red card themselves. They just don’t understand the game here. It is different when Wayne Rooney does it. He’s got a rapport with the refs, they speak the same language, Rooney has grown up knowing where the line is and never quite crossing it.

Mancini is a new arrival. He needs to learn to respect the customs of the country he’s in. I mean, he wouldn’t go to Saudi Arabia, openly drink a bottle of Pinot Grigio and walk around with a sultan’s daughter who he insists wears a bikini. So why does he think he can wave cards and allow his players to do two-footed tackles?

I like the man, his smartorial elegance has brought a touch of the catwalks of Milan to English football, but leave the card tricks to David Dunblane.

For Spurs, breaking the top four monopoly in 2009/10 was a momentous achievement. And with it came a highly rewarding Champions League campaign, taking in a thrilling victory over the holders, Inter Milan, before bowing out to Jose Mourinho’s Real Madrid.

There was little disgrace in losing to the battle Real – a side that cost hundreds of millions to assemble. Harry Redknapp, never slow to justify his occasional failures, will doubtless make the same point about the tussle they’ve just lost to Man City over that invaluable Champions League spot.

A year ago, a Peter Crouch header ensured it was Spurs who embarked on that voyage in to the stellar climes of the Champions League. Last night, his own goal confirmed that City will replace them. The form of Kenny Dalglish’s Liverpool means that Spurs may now miss out on the Europa League too.

There is an air of inevitability about City’s ascension – it would require remarkable mismanagement to spend that much money without any discernible success, and despite his conservative tactics Mancini is clearly no fool.

However, I wonder if Spurs fans feel a tad uneasy about how easily they’ve relinquished a prize they fought so hard to obtain. Granted, City have spent money, but Spurs had something more valuable: poll position. For the last twelve months, they have been a Champions League club, and City haven’t. In the summer, that advantage enabled Spurs to pull in big names – the likes of Rafael van der Vaart and William Gallas, both of whom have been inspired signings.

And yet, in January, Spurs were strangely inactive, moving only to snare Stephen Pienaar from Everton – a good player, but not one who was not evidently needed. The weakness in the Tottenham squad has been clear all season: they have lacked goals from their strikers. Whilst the likes of Bale and Van der Vaart have chipped in, Crouch, Defoe and Pavlyuchenko have been erratic. Robbie Keane was shipped out to West Ham on loan, where his poor form has continued. And yet nobody came in.

Tottenham did make a few haphazard deadline day moves, throwing money at half the clubs in La Liga in attempt to bring in the likes of Guiseppe Rossi, Fernando Llorente and Alvaro Negredo. But it was unplanned and unproductive.

It was also unusual for Harry Redknapp, a manager known for his transfer market acumen. Perhaps he wanted to escape the shackles of his ‘wheeler-dealer’ reputation. Perhaps the Spurs board were more interested in raking in the Champions League money than investing it in the squad.

Or perhaps they felt it was pointless, and that City’s riches meant they would perennially be fighting a losing battle.

Spurs lost the fight on the pitch last night. But in many respects, it was lost off the pitch in January. With City now having both the money and the status they desired, it looks a long way back for Tottenham.

The day Manchester City sacked Mark Hughes was the day they lost the hearts of the English media.  Few managers hold such disproportionately high stock with Fleet Street scribblers as the Welshman, and his dismissal was taken as evidence of a ruthless regime without the patience or know-how necessary to succeed.

What tosh.  Anyone with half a brain can see the difference that a superior manager, Roberto Mancini, has made.  Whatever you might think of their tactics, City are now an organised, functional unit.  To do that so quickly with a group of players thrown together so hastily is impressive.  If Mancini were British he’d be lauded as a genius.

Hughes was also erratic in the transfer market.  This window alone sees City trying to shed a stream of players he brought in: Wayne Bridge has joined West Ham, Emmanuel Adebayor is linked with Madrid and Malaga, and Roque Santa Cruz has gone back to Blackburn on loan.

City’s wealth means mistakes like Santa Cruz can easily be brushed under the carpet, but upon examination he has to go down as one of the all-time Premier League flops.  Hughes pursued him for more than six months, eventually paying £17.5m for the injury prone frontman.  Since then, Santa Cruz has started just eight games, with a further 16 substitute appearances.

For Santa Cruz, the blow has been cushioned by picking up some £6m in wages.  Blackburn, meanwhile, will be laughing: granted, they’d have to make do with watching the likes of Benjani in the interim, but they now have their talismanic striker back – and are up on the deal.

In fact, they’ll be cursing their luck Hughes is no longer in charge at Eastlands.  They could do with £20m or so for 18 months of Christopher Samba.

It’s interesting to read Roberto Mancini talk about the fights at the Man City training ground. The easy assumption to make is that City’s spending has brought together a pack of mercenaries, concerned only with their pay packets, looking to have their egos massaged.

And while there might well be a bad apple, or two, in the squad, the fact is fights are absolutely normal. You have them in your workplace, right? Why should footballers be any different?

I remember when I was playing amateur football in Spain there was a brilliant striker in our team. A really gifted player who could get you a goal at any stage. As well as being a very good player he was a pain in the arse, a shit trainer and, basically, a bit of a cunt.

Every week in training there was a fight with someone but come Saturday’s game there were no problems because everyone knew what he brought to the team. He might have been a cunt but he gave it everything he had when it counted. Now, you can’t really say that’s true of some City players- there’s no way anyone can tell me that they’re getting anything close to that from Emmanuel Adebayor, for example, but isn’t it just City’s lack of a fence around their training ground that makes these stories what they are?

Scraps behind closed doors and away from prying lenses aren’t an issue simply because we don’t hear about them.

It’ll take time for City to achieve proper harmony in their squad. When you buy up players, and expensive ones, at the rate they do there’ll always be some teething problems, but their position in the league suggests it’s not quite the Fight Club some would make it out.

Happy New Year to you all, and welcome to another Transfer Window – sponsored by Manchester City.

The window hasn’t yet been open for a single UK working day, and they’re already on the verge of buying their supporters a belated multi-million pound Christmas present: Wolfsburg’s Bosnian striker Edin Dzeko. According to multifarious sources on the heir-apparent to the Sky Sports News’ ticker, the Twitter timeline, a £27m fee has been agreed and the player is due to arrive for a medical on Tuesday.

Dzeko is undoubtedly a talented footballer, and one seemingly well-suited to the Premier League. Tall, powerful, and skillful, he’s a modern target man.

The question is: where does he fit in?

All season long City have played a 4-3-3, spear-headed by Carlos Tevez. In the lone striker role, Tevez has been exemplary, netting 35 goals in just 52 games. Moving him in to a wide position would be a madness, whilst changing to a 4-4-2 halfway through the campaign would be a radical move and one out of character with Roberto Mancini’s inherent caution. One wonders: is Mancini going to change the shape of the side to accommodate the new boy? Or is the £27m Dzeko simply going to replace the £25m Adebayor as an outrageously expensive substitute?

Making the wrong signing halfway through a season can be incredibly costly – just ask the Newcastle fans who saw the undoubtedly gifted Tino Asprilla disrupt their rhythm and cost them a title.

Perhaps Dzeko will become City’s starting striker, and Carlos Tevez will move on after all – after this weekend’s display, he’s got an intriguing new suitor.

What do you reckon City fans: rotation or reinvention?

So Mario Balotelli won an award. It’s the ‘prestigious Golden Boy’ award, organised by Tuttosport. He then said of runner-up Jack Wilshere:

What’s his name? Wil…? No, I just don’t know him, but the next time I play against Arsenal I’ll try to be careful. Maybe I could show him the Golden Boy trophy and remind him that I won.

Yeah, that’d show him. An award most people have never heard of. Perhaps Balotelli was just making a little joke. I have my doubts though as he seems to be a young man who takes everything very seriously. Except professionalism.

Still, let’s look at Wilshere v Balotelli this season:

Appearances

Wilshere, in his first full season for Arsenal has 20 in all competitions plus 1 international. Balotelli 9 for Man City. The Italian has played 90 minutes just twice since his arrival in the summer.

Discipline

Wilshere 2 yellows, 1 red. Balotelli 3 yellows, 1 red. Clearly the City man has a much higher cards to games ratio.

Goals

Wilshere 1 league, 1 Champions League. Balotelli 2 league, 3 Mickey Mouse European competition. A decent enough return for Balotelli given the small number of games he’s played but he needs to score against better opposition than FCU Poli and Salzburg.

Assists

Wilshere has a a grand total of 5, 2 in the Premier League, 3 in the Champions League. Balotelli a whopping 0 in all competitions.

Ego

Wilshere:

Last year, I had to go out on loan to get some games because there were some world-class players at Arsenal, but I have come back with more experience and the boss thinks I am ready to challenge for a place. All I can do is challenge and show them what I can do.

Balotelli:

There’s only one that is a little stronger than me: Messi. All the others behind me.

The ‘others’ that Balotelli is referring to include Cesc Fabregas, Pato and Rafael van der Vaart, former winners of the Golden Boy. Fabregas, with his 300 or so senior appearances, European Championship and World Cup medals, is clearly behind Balotelli. We just needed someone to point that out to us.

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So, to conclude, Balotelli wins ego by a mile and may just edge goals but in everything else Wilshere wins. Balotelli might have a higher profile but that’s more to do with his short fuse and his off-field antics than anything he’s done as a player. There’s no doubting his talent but you have to think the fact it’s an Italian paper giving out the award that’s won it for him.

And you get the feeling he’ll never really know Wilshere because it would be a brave man who’d bet on him being in England long enough.

Perhaps the ‘leaf/book’ one is an odd analogy to headline with.  Despite Harpersport’s publication of ‘Wayne Rooney: My Story So Far’, neither Rooney or Tevez strike me as particularly literary figures.  However, they are united by the one book they both understand perfectly well: the cheque-book.

Tevez and Rooney are from opposite sides of the globe, yet their lives and careers have shared several parallels.  Both emerged from urban poverty to make themselves global football superstars with a distinctive, all-action style.  They even went on to become twin strike partners at Manchester United – all too often split up because their games were ‘too similar’.  And latterly, since Tevez’s switch across the city, they have become emblematic of the blue and red divide that splits Manchester.

It’s probably fair to say Tevez’s move to City was motivated, in large part, by money.  Whilst his wages are already exorbitant, he and his agent Kia Joorabchian will have glanced with interest at Wayne Rooney’s flagrant, and successful, wage-raising tactics at United.

Rooney’s demands were eventually met, and a resolution reached.  It’s not hard to imagine that Tevez looked at his importance to City, and wondered if a similar proportional increase might be possible.  Statements talked of missing his family and ‘irreparably broken’ relations with un-named board members.   The reality seems to have been rather different: one meeting today was able to resolve all Tevez’s concerns, and just as with Rooney, his transfer request was withdrawn with immediate effect.

City say no pay rise will be forthcoming, but one wonders if that policy will hold come the summer.  Just a few weeks ago, club and player were renegotiating image rights.  Who would be surprised if a settlement favourable to Tevez and Joorabchian was soon reached?  The Argentine has followed Rooney’s rebellious lead, and strengthened both his hand and his position.  If results like last night’s home defeat to Everton continue, manager Roberto Mancini could find himself the first of the quarrelsome pair out of the door.

It shouldn’t take anyone by surprise.  The man who once compared being courted by AC Milan to being chatted up by Beyonce is now flirting outrageously with Italian football’s Old Lady, Juventus:

“I’m going to change air during the transfer window in January. And I can tell you that City has already reached an agreement with Juventus for a loan. I therefore expect to be able to leave in December.”

Obviously Man City have denied these quotes, and there is cause for some doubt over their authenticity.  Adebayor might not be the keenest knife in the drawer, but even he must know that leaving in December is going to be tricky, what with the window opening on January 1st.

Adebayor will doubtless deny having said it.  Whether he actually did or not won’t matter.  Lets not forget, this is the same talkative Togolese who told assembled TV journalists he wanted to stay at Arsenal, before turning to the printed press and announcing a desire to leave.  It’s the same Adebayor who has been known to deny quotes that he has been captured saying on camera.  Fiction and reality have long since blurred in his mind, and all that has taken their place are shimmering Pound, Euro and Dollar signs.

When Adebayor talked of being seduced by Beyonce, all he was thinking about was the booty.  And I don’t mean her curves.  Terrible pun aside, you know just what I mean: he’s a mercenary.

I’m not tarring all Manchester City players with the same brush.  For the likes of Gareth Barry, James Milner, and Adam Johnson, moving to City represented a genuine step forward in their career, and the chance to join a club which would improve their long-term prospects of winning trophies.  The same, however, could not be said for Adebayor.

Admittedly, Arsenal practically drove him up to Eastlands in order to take the £25m City were offering, but in the end it was his preposterous contract that convinced him to sign on the dotted line.  It speaks volumes for his character that, only 18 months on, City will be just as keen to offload him when the window opens once again.

Every week Lawrence Gray-Hodson, a man who made his name in the upper reaches of Division 2 in the 1970s and 80s as well as being a former Scotland and England international, writes a column exclusively for Three and in.

This week it’s Man City and Italian managers

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Many years ago I courted a young woman who had been previously engaged to an Italian man. She told me how his love-making had been much more fluent and exciting than mine but very often he got the job done too early. In the end she preferred the functional English stamina that I could provide.

On the football pitch, however, we know that this kind of functionality is part of the Italian game. It has never been renowned for its free-flowing football, its passion or energy. Instead it is a tactical game, like chess on a green board with 22 spaghetti eating pieces (many of whom would have sex with your wife when you went to the toilet). Catenaccio (so named because an Italian manager misheard an English man talking about the cat nap he had during a Turin derby back in the 50s) is to Italian football what punching Norwegians is to Joey Barton. Just something that comes naturally.

Which is why Manchester City fans are going to be bored out of their minds as long as Roberto Mancini is in charge. A typical Italian manager, the emphasis is not on winning games, but not losing. Some might consider this sensible, that not losing immediately increases your chances of winning, but anyone who sat through Wednesday night’s Manchester derby could not have failed to be utterly stupefied by City’s approach.

At home, against a Manchester United so weak Gary Birtles would make them better, they played for a draw. And they got it. Mancini might consider than a success. He had a gameplan, it worked, but by God it was awful to watch. And even if he felt like being more adventurous his genes prevent him from doing so. Italian managers simply can’t make their teams play attacking football. Some might point to Chelsea and Ancelotti but Chelsea just look like they’re playing attacking football because they’re better than everyone else. You can see how much Ancelotti hates it, each week his twitching, disgusted eyebrow betrays him during the post-match interviews.

Put Ancelotti in charge of a mid-table side like City and he’d do exactly the same. The sad part is that it’s not as if City don’t have attacking talent. Tevez, Adebayor, Silva, Santa Cruz, Johnson, Balotelli and Dickov is the kind of striking array that any manager would give his right arm for, yet Mancini persists in playing his three defensive midfielders and expects Tevez to plough a lone furrow up front.  What a waste of resources and money. City have spent a fortune yet Mancini’s formation and tactics are those of a man who is trying to avoid relegation rather than win the league.

City need a change, no doubt about it. There’s no modern equivalent to Brian Clough, sadly. Not even his son Nigel can take that crown as he’s basically a bit rubbish, but that kind of manager would be perfect for Man City. A maverick, a man who sends his teams out to attack and punches his own fans if they don’t like it. Someone who understands the Englishness of the game and how it’s important to win things in this country. Arsene Wenger understood and has, until recently, kept his Frenchness at bay. Is it any coincidence Arsenal’s trophy-less years have come as he’s regressed in a Parisian fashion?

Who that man is I can’t say. It might well be somebody we don’t expect. Could the subtle genius of Ian Holloway make the step up? I suspect he can but I understand why others might think otherwise.  Mick McCarthy’s Wolves play some very good football when they’re not trying to smash opponents into the middle of next week, maybe City need that kind of combination. Ultimately though it’s up to Shake Mansour and Garry Cook to find the right man for the job.

Mancini looks good in a scarf, no doubt about it, but he’s not the right man for Man City.

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Comment below or you can contact Lawrence by email.