Three and in – not just another football blog

The press enjoy the debate.  Sky’s Sunday Supplement’s hoard of pundits drool over their croissants the moment the subject comes up.  But does anyone else really care who wears the armband of the national team?

There are few neutrals who didn’t take pleasure in John Terry’s fall from grace a year ago.  The Wayne Bridge stories and subsequent removal of the armband were, let’s face it, funny.

However, the furore around returning the armband to Terry is nothing less than dull.  Let’s look at the bare facts: Rio Ferdinand and Steven Gerrard are both unavailable.  Terry is the natural choice to take the armband, and considering the injury records of his rivals, it probably makes sense to keep it there.

And does it really matter who wears the thing anyway?  In international football, captaincy has long since been a ceremonial role.  But even at club level it is becoming less significant.

Arsene Wenger has long suggested that the armband is a mere symbol – what matters is that the team shows collective leadership and responsibility.  Whilst his own side has generally failed to step up to that idealistic plate, it remains a salient thought.  And it’s not just a foreign school of thought: Alex Ferguson had no qualms about removing the armband from Ferdinand and placing it on Nemanja Vidic.  In the modern game, the iconic skipper has become an increasingly rare motif.

If you are going to create a fuss around a piece of cloth, you might be best to follow the example of Wales manager Gary Speed.  Whatever happens with Terry, he’s unlikely to remain a key component in the side beyond next summer’s European Championships.  In choosing Aaron Ramsey as his captain, Speed has brought stability and direction to his Wales side.

It’ll be interesting to see how their team-mates rally around the respective skippers this Saturday.

In his Five Things We Learned From Liverpool vs Manchester United article, The Guardian’s Daniel Taylor came down harder than Jamie Carragher on Nani, who was tearfully substituted after feeling the effects of a horrific lunge from the Liverpool defender.  Taylor insists:

“Bryan Robson never cried. Roy Keane never cried. Heck, we never even saw tears from Cristiano Ronaldo, the man who wrote the book on football prima donnas.”

It makes me sick, these foreigners coming over hear with their overactive tear glands.

Oh, wait.

I like Daniel Taylor’s work, but it does seem a little perverse to me that a journalist is quicker to criticise the reaction of a badly injured player than the perpetrator of a quite horrific tackle.  It’s symptomatic of the prevailing attitudes in English football that create an environment in which challenges like this take place.

In his pre-match press conference today, Arsene Wenger said it required a “little miracle” to get all your players back from International duty without sustaining injury.  And miracles, as we all know, rarely happen.  Occasionally there will be a moment of such karmic perfection that one can only put it down to the influence of the divine – John Terry slipping in Moscow, for example – but for the most part, football is a Godless world.

For confirmation, Wenger need only look at his injury list.  Thomas Vermaelen picked up an achilles problem with Belgium, whilst Theo Walcott is expected to miss 4-6 weeks after being stretchered off against Switzerland.  The decimating power of International football has grown so strong that Robin van Persie conspired to double his lay-off without even going away with the Dutch squad.

Liverpool have lost Dirk Kuyt for a month, and Spurs have woken up to the lovely surprise that they will be without Jermain Defoe until December.  United haven’t suffered any major injuries as far as I’m aware, but one suspects Wayne Rooney may return to Carrington with a few mental bruises.

The big winners, then, are surely Chelsea.  Their key players, Frank Lampard and John Terry, neglected to travel with England, belying their status as ‘lionhearts’.  Lampard underwent a groin operation but will conveniently be fit in time for Chelsea’s trip to Upton park tomorrow, whereas Terry simply chose the week as a suitable point to rest a hamstring strain he claims to have been carrying since the World Cup.

What the pair seem to have both carried since the World Cup is a reticence to embrace International football.  Lampard said returning to training Chelsea was a “tea party” in comparison to his England experiences, whilst Terry spent the summer making all kinds of unfortunate headlines.  They could have undergone this time on the sidelines at any point, but clearly prioritised their club over country.  And who can blame them?

Carlo Ancelotti and Chelsea will have been delighted.  Ancelotti’s countryman, Fabio Capello, less so.  If he is reassert his authority over the two truants, the only way to do so is to make them earn their place back in the team.

Radio Free Asia reported last week that North Korea’s World Cup team were subjected to a public barracking upon their return from South Africa. Threeandin wonders how such a story might read if the same fate had awaited England…

England’s national football team were given a marathon public reprimand after a disastrous World Cup campaign, including a 1-4 rout at the hands of Germany that has been blamed on leader Fabio Capello’s inept orders, Radio Five Live reported Monday.

Citing unnamed English sources, 5Live said the team were made to stand on a stage outside the FA’s Soho headquarters, just three days after they returned from South Africa, and subjected to ideological criticism for six hours.

Around 400 prominent English football personalties, including Marlon Harewood and Louise Redknapp, as well other athletes and sport students, were apparently part of the audience. Andy Townsend, the former Englishman, pointed out the mistakes of each player from a specially deployed “tactics truck”.

Individuals were targeted by the baying crowd. Emile Heskey was made to wear a pair of false donkey ears, whilst David James was forced to sign a contract with Championship side Bristol City. Shaun Wright-Phillips is expected to undertake community service as a garden gnome, and former captain John Terry has been sentenced to a lifetime’s monogamy. Jamie Carragher was exempt from the session, on account of the fact that his nationality is officially registered as ‘Scouse’.

Manager Fabio Capello did not escape criticism: the FA’s Trevor Brooking stole his glasses and chanted “speccy speccy four eyes” as the coach wept in to Franco Baldini’s ample bosom.

An English intelligence source said, “In the past, English athletes and coaches who performed badly were criticised in the press and obliged to make poorly scripted pizza adverts. Considering the high hopes English had for the World Cup, the regime could have done worse things to the team than just reprimand them for their ideological shortcomings. They could have made them be pundits for ITV.”

Following Germany’s 4-1 thrashing of England Bayern Munich midfielder Thomas Mueller made an observation. He said:

England have so many top stars in their squad that they will always be part and parcel of the international football scene, but there are so many ‘alpha males’. It is difficult to have so many ‘alpha males’ and have them row in the same direction.

You don’t only need only chiefs, you also need a few Indians.

Which on first glance looks like it makes a lot of sense. When you examine it, however, it doesn’t stand up at all. England’s problem was not that they had too many Alpha males, it was that they didn’t have any.

The Alpha Male is the undisputed leader of any pack, the one who the others follow without question. He is a natural leader, one who commands respect. Tell me which member of the England squad fulfills those criteria. You can’t because he doesn’t exist.

People might talk about John Terry as a leader of men and a natural captain but he’s flawed and is certainly no Alpha male. The Chelsea dressing room was divided when he stepped out of line over Wayne Bridge, similarly the England dressing room was fractured during the World Cup.

Steven Gerrard, captain by accident rather than design, was said to be furious with Terry after his press conference. Terry, believing his own hype, moved to assert his power at the head of the pack, challenging the authority of both Gerrard, as captain, and Fabio Capello, the manager. Terry was put firmly in his place by Capello, reminded of his place in the pack and it was a long way from leader.

Capello himself should have been a candidate for Alpha but while there was fear there was a lack of respect. That players felt they could openly challenge the manager on the basis of his team selections, tactics and more showed he was just another beta, albeit in a position of power.

So who were the other Alpahs that Mueller was referring to? Lampard? Not a chance. Rooney? No. Carragher? Upson? Ashley Cole? Gareth Barry? No, no, no and no.

The fact is England were a team without a real leader. A pack without direction, a collection of beta males squabbling and snapping at each other, curs and egomaniacs who put their own agendas before what was good for the collective. It’s no wonder they failed as spectacularly as they did.

Where was the Tony Adams? The Roy Keane? The Paolo Maldini? The Franco Baresi? Undisputed Alphas for whom leadership came naturally. They didn’t have to act, they weren’t desperate for the power, they just had it as players and captains. They commanded respect and the pack responded accordingly, they were a united group and success was borne from that.

Mueller is absolutey right when he says ‘You don’t only need only chiefs, you also need a few Indians’, but England’s problem was too many Indians, no chiefs whatsoever.

England, let’s face it, were awful yesterday. Leaving aside the goal that wasn’t given, which is a debate for another post, I don’t think anybody can argue that the scoreline did not accurately reflect the gaeke.

Germany made all the chances and could easily have scored more, but when is the last time you’ve seen a Fabio Capello team taken apart like that? The Italian may not be the most attack minded coach in the world -  remember he was fired from Real Madrid not because he didn’t win the league but because he didn’t win it well enough – but it’s rare to see his teams so shambolic at the back.

Terry (yellow) drawn to man and not ball (cirlced in red) - with apologies to Zonal Marking!

The BBC focussed on Matthew Upson for England’s first goal but really what could he do? Take down Klose and it’s a red card. The fact is Upson was left one on one, Terry was drawn to the German player in front of him and lost the flight of the ball completely. It’s not the first time he’s done that in recent months and the fact that he was so out of position cost England the first goal. Upson was left to chase back with one of the World Cup’s most clinical forwards and the outcome was inevitable.

For Germany’s second Terry was hopelessly out of position again, chasing the man like a Sunday league player, so when Muller chipped the ball across to Podolski he had all the time in the world to fire home. Even then Terry chased back and bizarrely stopped instead of hitting the goal line where he might well have cleared Podolski’s shot. When you look at the replays Glen Johnson, wrongly, takes his cue from Terry as if to play an offside. Terrible defending.

Then the fourth – on the BBC the commentator said “And look, here’s John Terry storming forward!” as if this was a good thing. Two seconds later England have lost possession, nine seconds later the ball is in the back of the English net.

And this is not a rookie we’re talking about here. John Terry is, nominally at least, one of England’s best and most experienced defenders. Yet he played a World Cup knockout game like some kind of training session. His positional play was awful, his decision making well below international standard and because of this Germany cut through the English defence almost at will.

Now, I’m not saying this is all Terry’s fault, a lot of English players underperformed yesterday. Gerrard was more or less anonymous, Barry failed in his primary role as the holding midfielder, and Wayne Rooney delivered another toothless, inept performance up front. The obvious change for England yesterday was Crouch for Rooney and Capello bottled that one, but had Terry not taken the bull in a china shop approach to defending they might have had a chance.

Reputations count for too much when it comes to big tournaments. It’s been clear to anyone who has watched Premier League football since Christmas that John Terry’s performances have been way below his best. Yes, Chelsea won the league but that has much more to do with the finishing of Drogba than the defending of Terry. Yet he’s a shoe-in for an England team who, if they can’t score goals, need to be defensively solid.

Whoever comes after Capello (and I think the Italian will go knowing he can’t make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear) needs to be brave and choose his team on form. On that basis Terry wouldn’t have been on the pitch yesterday and England would not have done any worse.

WINNERS

Landon Donovan – long hailed as the USA’s best footballer, something akin to being England’s best baseball player, he’s worked hard to convince people he’s the real deal, as they say. After unsuccessful spells in European football he went back home, worked hard in the MLS, impressed during a spell at Everton last season, and on the biggest stage of all has come up with the goods in consecutive matches.

An impressive early second half goal to get his team back into the game against Slovenia, who were leading 2-0, and yesterday’s injury time winner. Definitely the USA’s Sunshine Superman.

Mesut Özil – The Werder Bremen midfielder enhanced his growing reputation with a fantastic winning goal against Ghana. With just a year left on his contract the likelihood of a move this summer grows and if he maintains these kinds of performances he’ll have plenty of options.

England – Go on then, they won, didn’t they? It wasn’t exactly the convincing performance to sweep away all the doubts of the first two games, but it was enough. They had chances to make the win safer and much less nervy but Slovenia never really looked like scoring. England expected, England got. The USA’s late winner makes the first knockout game against Germany more difficult than they would like or care to admit though.

LOSERS

Nelson Mandela Bay Stadium – The New Wembley people must be sitting watching the horrible pitch in Port Elizabeth, desperate to cry out ‘See! See! It’s not just us’. The playing surface is appalling, the potential for serious injury to players is very real, the turf cuts up so badly teams are not allowed train on the pitch before games, and it certainly affected the quality of the game between England and Slovenia.

Imagine what it’d be like if two passing sides had to play there.

British TV delerium – It’s totally understandable being excited, happy with England’s qualification, yet the instant reaction to the win was, as always, over the top.

“England played with freedom”, said Gabby Logan to Fabio Capello afterwards when she realised the Italian had no idea what shackles were or why England might have played without them. The truth is England did just enough and the constant media hype without honest analysis of the game does the team no favours at all.

Martin Samuel – Continuing the theme, the Daily Mail journo wrote about England’s former captain:

Terry climbed to his feet and threw himself, full length, in front of Dedic like a Secret Service agent shielding bullets from the presidential motorcade. There are certain images that are made for the slow motion replay, that reveal, frame by frame, the measure of a sportsman. The montage of unencumbered determination displayed in front of England’s goal after 68 minutes yesterday was one such sequence.

Leaving the overblown prose aside he neglected to mention that Terry’s ridiculous looking dive, while certainly committed, was completely ineffective as the shot was blocked by the boot of Glen Johnson.

Rafik Saifi - I’m sure many players have wanted to slap journalists in the past. The Algerian might just have made a faux pas here though.

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As always your thoughts on the winners and losers of the day are most welcome.

It tickled me yesterday to hear the US television guy interviewing Landon Donovan after their last-gasp win over Algeria. Straight as you like he pointed the microphone and said “Mr Donovan …” before lauching into his question.

For us, on this side of the Atlantic, it sounds hilariously formal. It’s impossible to imagine Sky’s sycophant-in-chief Geoff Shreeves in the tunnel after a game looking for a response from Mr Rooney or Mr Terry. It just wouldn’t happen and in a way it’s a shame.

There ought to be more distance between those in the media and those who play the game. There’s an almost pathological desire from those in the media, and with many journalists too, to be seen as friends of the players, particularly England’s big names. The constant references on-air and in print to ‘Wazza’ or ‘JT’ or ‘Stevie G’ are toe-curling at the best of times and in the end it colours the analysis of the game.

In the Guardian Barry Glendenning brilliantly deconstructs Oliver Holt’s defence of John Terry after his, frankly indefensible, press conference outburst. How can Holt expect anyone to take what he says about Terry seriously when he’s the author of his biography? Where is the journalistic integrity? How can you legitimately critique someone you like to consider a ‘mate’.

In recent years the punditry on Irish television has become increasing popular on YouTube as the likes of John Giles, Eamon Dunphy, Liam Brady and even Graeme Souness, so staid and forumlaic when on Sky, look at the Premier League and even England in big tournaments. They have distance, not just geographically, from the players and managers they’re analysing and while not always perfect, they have provided a much more balanced, intelligent and scrutinous view of the football on show.

What the BBC, ITV, Sky and 95% of the print journalists do is not analysis, it’s grandstanding and cheerleading, borne out of a genuine fear of upsetting the subjects. We know what has happened, we can see it with our own eyes, tell us why it happened, what went wrong, what was done well. When the best television stations employ people who seem unable to talk in any other tense than the present perhaps we’re expecting too much anyway.

It’s clear that foreign players and managers are subjected to far more opprobrium than the darlings of the FA and as long as the chummy-chummy mindset is cultivated, where personal relationships with stars of the game are valued more than an honest reading of it, this will continue.

So “Mr Donovan” might sound formal to us but it’s a damn sight better than “Wazza” or “JT”.

The worst ever England performance in a major tournament? Maybe, just maybe. As the dejected players trudged from the field after the Algeria game, the plea for kindness articulated in my last blog fell on deaf ears. The vuvuzelas were finally drowned out by, what else, the sound of English fans booing. Wayne Rooney, having played arguably the worst game of his professional career, looked down the lens of the nearest camera and uttered the following words:

‘Nice to hear your home (sic) fans boo you, that’s loyal supporters.’

Now, many things have troubled me since that woeful display on Friday night. Should the formation change for the Slovenia match? Was John Terry right to speak to the press before his manager? Why was Joe Cole taking a shower after the game? The latter one of many nuggets liberally sprinkled throughout Pavlos Joseph’s hilarious Sunday Mirror video exclusive. Whilst on the topic, how long ‘til that clown is given his own column in one of the dailies? One thing I can honestly say though is that I did not for one second feel aggrieved by Rooney’s comments or satiated when an apology was offered.

We’re a funny bunch, we English. By virtue of being Jewish, I have always thought of myself as being, in Hanif Kureishi’s words, ‘an Englishman born and bred, almost.’ From this vantage point, and without getting too political, I have been intrigued of late by the differing responses of acquaintances to significant world events. After the Gaza aid flotilla incident last month, my facebook feed was awash with statuses from Zionist friends akin to ‘- is prouder to be Jewish than ever before.’ After Friday, the bulk of the social networking activity I encountered revolved around pals ‘ashamed to be English’ or the like. A friend of mine believes nobody does pride quite like gays or grandparents. I would add Jews to the list, even if it does bugger up the alliteration slightly. Although perhaps there’s also a YouTube video doing the rounds showing the Algeria game from another angle which proves we were actually awesome. Somehow I doubt it.

Football is a game of opinions, never more so than in this country at this time. I expect little to no support on this issue but I simple wasn’t offended by Rooney’s words. Do I think it was a foolish thing to do? Yes. But then so was the press response. The day after the game you would think the papers were describing Enoch Powell’s ‘Rivers of Blood’ speech. Words like ‘disgraceful rant’ were being thrown around along with ‘England star shame’ as he ‘blasts’ and ‘lambasts’ the fans. Really? An ill-considered two line sarcastic comment in the heat of the moment from a player furious with himself and his teammates does not a hate speech make. Worse still, it’s a smokescreen. Any focus on the outburst simply served to shift attention away from the most abject display imaginable. Only in England.

I am not a booer. Never have been. In fact, I was brought up to not even ‘cuss people out’ if my team had beaten theirs, something I have always been very grateful for as football has a funny way of coming back to bite you in the arse if you do behave in such a manner. That being said, I can understand the frustration of those present who had spent thousands of pounds to be there. My attitude is that they are entitled to boo but I would prefer if they didn’t, like watching BBC Three. I am loath to agree with ‘England’s Brave’ John Terry on any issue but I thought he was right to suggest that such a response should be saved for Wednesday if we crash out, this was the equivalent of jeering at the 60 minute stage (66.6 recurring in fact but then my maths is probably better than EBJT’s). I have travelled an awful long way to witness some pretty abysmal performances over the years including a first half against Ecuador in the round of 16 four years ago in which England failed to work the keeper. Some around me expressed their displeasure; I couldn’t see the benefit. Indeed, if, as has been suggested in some quarters, the real reason for the poor form of England’s players thus far has been stage fright then abuse from their own fans seems somewhat counterintuitive. And I don’t buy the whole ‘we pay the money, we can do what we want’ line of argument because where does one draw the line? Homophobia? Racism? If it’s simply booing and nothing more then any fan is entitled to vent some spleen but, with the team still in the competition, how could it possibly help?

Almost two years ago, a pair of silly broadcasters made an inappropriate prank call to an elderly sitcom actor. Once alerted by the media, the public were apoplectic. A week or two later, the nation was outraged when a fat, old journalist who was really poor at dancing was criticised by professional dancers on a celebrity dancing show. In a wave of hysteria and anger on both sides of the fence, John Sergeant quit Strictly. I remember thinking then that things had been changed by Sachsgate and would never be the same again. There is now a culture of offence in this country like never before and it’s dictated by the tabloid press. Put it this way, do you think a single England fan present in Cape Town received a text from a friend watching on TV back home informing them of Rooney’s remarks proceeded to cry themselves to sleep? Again, I doubt it. That being said, if we play that badly again this afternoon I will be weeping into my pillow. And demanding apologies.

WINNERS

Switzerland – despite losing 1-0 to Chile yesterday they set a new World Cup record for time without conceding a goal. They surpassed Italy’s old record of 550 minutes by making it to 551 minutes. At which point they promptly went one down to Chile. Timing.

Portugal – Having spent all their energy making life difficult for Brazil, North Korea had nothing left against Portugal who took full advantage to spank the dear leader’s men 7-0. With six different goalscorers the Portuguese will be brimming with confidence and goal difference could be vital as they head for a massive game against Brazil.

David Villa - Barcelona’s new striker scored both Spain’s goals as they beat Honduras 2-0. He might have had a bit of luck on the second but there’s no denying the quality of his first. Even a missed penalty, his 5th in his last 7 for Spain, couldn’t blight his evening. If a couple of more Spaniards can find their shooting boots the pre-tournament favourites could well start to scare people.

LOSERS

Play actors -  Chile’s Arturo Vidal was the first offender yesterday. Sure, Behrami’s arms were flailing about the place but his overreaction and exaggeration of the slightest of contact ensured the Swiss player saw red. This seemed to make this Swiss think ‘Anything you can do’ and centre-half Steve Von Bergen held his face as if punched by Mike Tyson as players jostled at a set-piece.

Added to Kader Keita’s histrionics last night it’s a shame this is creeping into games more and more as the stakes get higher.

Pundits and commentators – ITV’s Peter Drury has been guilty before of poor commentary. Referring to Arsenal captain Cesc Fabregas as a Barcelona player is typical of his sneering style.

Meanwhile, during the BBC’s coverage of the Chile/Switzerland game, Mark Bright appeared to watching an entirely different game from everyone else, condemning Behrami for his ‘aggressive play’ when it was anything but. His nadir came as he bleated ‘He’s clearly pulled him back there!!’ as slow motion replays showed a Chilean player taking a dive, under no contact whatsoever, to win a free kick. How he is paid actual money to provide this kind of analysis is anyone’s guess.

Khalid Al Ghamdi – The Saudi Arabian schoolteacher/referee handed out a whopping 9 yellows and 1 red in the game between Chile and Switzerland. There was hardly a tackle worth speaking about either. He and his officials fell for Vidal’s Oscar winning performance and his whistle happy approach is one I hope we don’t see much more of in this tournament.

John Terry (again) – two days running for the former England captain. After his ill-judged press conference on Sunday, Terry was put firmly in his place by Fabio Capello:

When you speak, you have to speak privately, not with the media. This is the big mistake. This is very big mistake.

And to ensure Terry’s perfect isolation, Capello continued:

I spoke with some players, and only John Terry said this.

The Italian will be using it to try and draw a decent performance from his most senior centre-half, which would be something neither he nor Carlo Ancelotti has managed for the best part of 6 months now.

Eren Derdiyok – The Swiss striker had a golden chance to equalise in the 92nd minute against Chile. With only the keeper to beat and just 8 yards out he scuffed his shot wide. If he ever sleeps again I’ll be amazed.

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As always your thoughts on these selections are more than welcome, if you have any to add please just comment.