Three and in – not just another football blog

The away goal is one of football’s most precious commodities. I remember when United were trailing 3-0 to Real Madrid in 2003. When Ruud van Nistelrooy netted a last minute strike to reduce the deficit, Clive Tylesdley’s joyous shouts of “AWAY GOAL!!!” made you think the Dutchman had converted a clincher rather than a consolation.

As it happened, United went on to get hammered in the second leg too. But Tyldesley was probably still running around the room after Van Nistelrooy’s effort: Away goals have taken on disproportionate significance in European football.

Last night, in a rematch of 2010′s final, Bayern Munich celebrated a 1-0 win at the San Siro thanks to a late late goal from Mario Gomez. After the game, manager Louis van Gaal was bullish about his team’s result. And, of course, that extra bonus: the “away goal”:

“It was a very good game, very attractive and everyone can be happy with the game, it was fun. It must have pleased everyone who watched it. Of course we have a better chance of progressing now because we scored an away goal.”

Whilst Gomez has most certainly scored a goal, and one away from home at that, it comes without the mythical properties that make the ‘away goal’ so valued: it cannot decide the tie. Their is no possible result in the second leg that can allow the ‘awayness’ of Gomez’s goal to prove decisive. It is, sad to say, merely a ‘goal’. Sorry Louis.

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Thanks to @Marcotti for bringing to light this strangest of reactions

One could understand if ‘Big’ Big Sam was feeling a little down in the dumps earlier in the week.  Unceremoniously dismissed from Blackburn by, of all things, a foreign woman.

Reading this morning’s papers, however, he will have afforded himself a smile for the first time in a week or so.  No sooner is he out of work that another vacancy, far better suited to him, has appeared.  It’s unfortunate for Rafa Benitez, but Inter Milan and Sam Allardyce were made for each other.  Just ask the latter:

“I’m not suited to Bolton or Blackburn, I would be more suited to Inter or Real Madrid.  It wouldn’t be a problem to me to go and manage those clubs because I would win the double or the league every time. Give me Manchester United or Chelsea and I would do the same, it wouldn’t be a problem. It’s not where I’m suited to, it’s just where I’ve been for most of the time.”

Being sacked by Blackburn and then taking up the reigns at a European giant like Inter Milan is an unusual career.  But not an untrodden one.  Roy Hodgson left his post at Ewood Park in 1998 and shortly found himself in caretaker charge at the San Siro.

In reality, despite his boasts, Allardyce would never be considered for such an illustrious role.  His most promising lead on the job front at the moment is the currently occupied spot with West Ham, two points adrift at the bottom of the Premier League.

Allardyce’s sacking at Blackburn came about because he has a reductive style of football that is designed purely to bring safety and stability.  For some Premier League chairmen, that is enough.  But not for the ambitious Anuradha Desai.  He is never going to be able to bring the attractive, attacking football Blackburn’s new owners see as essential to climbing the domestic table and strutting out on to the continental map.  It is these same limitations that prevent Allardyce from being a candidate for jobs like the Inter one.

Allardyce would argue that his tactics are a consequence of necessity – that given the resources of a top club he’d be able to produce something easier on the eye.  But the fact is, he will not get that opportunity in England.  His sacking at Blackburn shows the glass ceiling that his head is constantly banging against: he is perceived as a manager for a relegation scrap, and little more.

He has long suggested that were his name ‘Sam Allardici’, perceptions would shift.  Perhaps so.  Whilst emulating Hodgson’s time at Inter Milan remains an unrealistic ambition, perhaps the man from Dudley should follow his lead in heading abroad.  Steve McClaren may be struggling at Wolfsburg as we speak, but he is proof of the augment to a reputation that leaving Britain can provide.

Even if Allardyce went to a more unfashionable league – Hodgson spent swathes of time in Scandinavia – winning a few trophies would add significantly to his credentials.  Only then will he be a realistic candidate for the jobs that ‘Allardici’ claims he deserves.

Gareth Bale tore Inter Milan apart again last night, and this time Spurs hadn’t undermined him by conceding four first-half goals.  His performance has sparked headlines across the continent, with La Gazzetta dello Sporto proclaiming that he had “destroyed” Inter’s renowned Brazilian right-back, Maicon.

Bale has always had ability.  His technical proficiency has been clear ever since he started knocking free-kicks in to the top corner as a 17-year old at Southampton.  His early performances for Spurs, however, are most memorable for that alarming record of making appearances in 24 league games for Spurs before experiencing victory.  After breaking that duck against Burnley last September, Bale has gone from strength to strength.

The main difference between the teenager who arrived at Spurs and the player we see now is, confidence aside, a physical one.  Bale has added penetrative sprinting, upper-body strength, and, crucially, stamina to his game.  It’s telling that his hatrick in the San Siro came late on in the game, at a point when players from both teams were flagging.  Just look at what he was able to produce in the 89th minute last night:

This is by no means to belittle Bale’s achievements.  I’m not suggesting all he does is run harder, faster, and longer than his opponents.  But were that the case, shouldn’t we celebrate it?  Football is an athletic sport, and Bale’s athleticism is a key a part of his game.  You can have all the skill in the world, but craft without graft is worthless.

The message is clearly not lost on Arsene Wenger, who this week credited improving stamina for  Alex Song’s impressive goalscoring ratio.  You could also name Frank Lampard, whose consistent box-to-box style is built as much on fitness as finesse.  We’re quick to laud footballers for outrageous moments of skill, but often forget the hard work put it on the training ground to give them the platform, the space, the sheer lung capacity to pull them off.

Bale is surging towards acknowledgment in this season’s Player of the Year awards.  With his conditioning, other stars will struggle to keep up.

I can understand how it happens. Writing a ‘Transfer Clockwatch’ for 15 or so hours a day, seven days a week is bound to take its toll. You become hungry for anything resembling a story. The smallest nugget of information is mined to the greatest possible extent as you look to a pad out a credit-crunched transfer window.

Today, however, SkySports.com reached its nadir, when announcing that Mario Balotelli will not be be signing for Manchester City today.

Presumably they’ll be running this story tomorrow. And the day after. And every day until Balotelli eventually signs for City, joining the Premier League’s grumpiest pack of strikers.

I don’t know if they gave it the full yellow ticker treatment on their TV channel. Considering they did just that for the news that Francis Jeffers was due to train with Blackpool, there’s every chance they did.

Brazil huffed and puffed last night against a well disciplined and hard working North Korea. The winning margin was far less than many had anticipated and the Brazilians looked laboured at times. Yet they produced two of the best moments of the World Cup so far.

Robinho’s incisive pass for Elano to score Brazil’s second was one of the most creative we’ve seen and the opening goal from Maicon was a thing of real beauty. The full back made countless runs down Brazil’s right hand side and when he was played in by Elano it looked as if a cross was the only option.

Not so. He hammered home a brilliant shot between the keeper and the near post. Quite deliberate, in my view, and immediately commentators spoke of Marco van Basten v Russia. Then they wondered if he meant it. Even now public opinion is divided. A poll on the Guardian has the Ayes at 55%, the Nays at 45%, yet it’s not the first time Maicon has scored a goal like this.

For me though it was a wonderfully instinctive piece of football and definitely the goal of the tournament so far. That it was difficult is beyond question, the fact that it went in means it wasn’t the ‘impossible angle’ the doubters have been talking about. Maicon deserves credit for bucking the safety first trend of this World Cup. He could have hit the side netting or put it out for a throw on the other side and been criticised for not playing more sensibly, but when we see a footballer do something as extravagantly brilliant as that we should rise to applaud, not cast doubt.

When Dennis Bergkamp scored his incredible goal against Newcastle there were the same questions. Did you really mean to do that? Bergkamp’s answer, ‘of course’. And why should we doubt him?

My cap is well and truly doffed to Maicon this morning. There are those who may never believe he meant to do what he did. And I feel a bit sorry for them, writing his goal off as a fluke means they didn’t enjoy it nearly as much as I did. And in this World Cup we can’t afford to be too choosy.

Eees not rat, ees hamster

Inter, Champions League title holders and all round very good footballers have announced this evening the recruitment of one of Europe’s leading catering capos.

Massimilliano Mondeo told Marca.org, ‘Our front of house situation was naturally moribund in essence since the exit of Jose and  we very concerned in the finding a satisfactory implementation.’

‘Now the search is conclusive in ‘Chubella’ (Rafa Beantins). Rafa is established as one of the the very best waiters in the business.’

‘We display in our player tunnel  a sign saying ‘Now Wash Your Hands’. Liverpool have a sign saying, ‘This Is A Field’. Philosophies are separated by these great restaurants.’

What is certain, is that Beantins will have his work cut out at Inter. As the Spaniard knows well, waiting standards on the Continent are much higher than they are in England.

In order to fill the European-football shaped gaps all over Threeandin with something resembling knowledge, I occasionally find myself thumbing through the European sports papers.  The other day, in an article in Spanish Daily AS about Real Madrid’s desire to snatch Jose Mourinho from Inter Milan, I was struck by one of the most nefarious-looking fellas I have ever seen.  Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Massimo Moratti.

Truly this man is the Krang to Mourinho’s Shredder.  I don’t mean to be cruel: I’m not taking the mickey out of this man.  I wouldn’t.  He has Satan in his eyes.

I’ve long suspect Mourinho’s success was due to a pact with some evil force.  Consider this proof.