Three and in – not just another football blog

In a professional career spanning almost two decades, Simon Smith has played for over sixty-seven clubs. The ultimate utility player, as his pace has diminished Simon has managed to reinvent himself time and again, from poacher to holding midfielder, centre-back to goalkeeper. Now that his website has been closed down, we have exclusive access to his weekly column.

Thursday was no ordinary night in the Smith household. Instead of an evening slumped in front of Channel 5 watching Ice Road Truckers, Clarissa and I spent this most unusual of Thursday nights slumped in front of Channel 5 watching football. Manchester United were comprehensively beaten but their poor rich neighbours suffered the agony of an exit on the away goals rule. If there was anything to cheer the English it was the sight of Joe Hart heading up for a corner in the closing stages for the second time in a week. This desperate bid to save the game earned unanimous plaudits as his last gasp header so nearly sent City through but, as so often seems to be the case, there is one rule for the big clubs and quite another for the rest. Hart was applauded for his attacking instinct against both Swansea and Sporting Lisbon but at one point a few years ago I was doing it almost every week for Barnet and, without meaning to blow my own trumpet too much, far earlier in the game. Was I praised for attempting to break the deadlock in cagey encounters? Was I forgiven when the bossman made a substitution after we won a corner (something it’s generally established is a bad idea) and the amount of time that elapsed coupled with the crowded area caused me to forget myself and instead of nodding the ball into an empty net, pluck the ball out of the air with my hands and go to ground to help run out the clock? Was I able to re-establish my place in the side after the seven consecutive games in which I was still stranded in our opponents’ half when they scored? No, no, a hundred times no. Football can be a cruel mistress. Still, it wasn’t entirely in vain. I like to think of myself as something of a trailblazer and it seems Harty learned a thing or two from this old pro. I wish I could say similar about the game between Chelsea and Napoli the night before. With Chelsea 5-4 up on aggregate I really felt the keeper should have gone up for a corner late on. A goal from Cech really would have rounded off a special European night for Chelsea but sadly he remained rooted in his box. Pity, an opportunity missed.

People generally seem to think the away goals rule is a good thing but it is not without its faults. Take Thursday night for example. Without the rule, the 3-3 aggregate score would have meant the scratchcard of a penalty shootout. Everyone loves penalties, particularly the keepers. It really is a lovely moment when you stride up to your opposite number for good luck hug. Where else can I find a cuddle and a pat on the bum apart from when I buy my fish? I speak from experience when I say we are afforded very few opportunities to embrace as players and the fans tend not to like you spending too much of a game focused on finding an opportunity. They’ll never admit it but all footballers love a cuddle. It’s why refs let a lot of holding go at corners. This is not to mention that the accumulated effect of these cuddles is to combat homophobia in football in a far more effective manner than any BBC Three documentary.

The away goals rule is not tantamount to a hate crime although it can also lead to nastiness. I recall at Arsenal losing 2-0 at home in the first leg once during a European knockout game. We failed to score in the away leg, drew 0-0 and went crashing out 2-0 on aggregate. Each of our 0 goals counted double but even that wasn’t enough. We were punished for failing to get any crucial away goals. On another occasion we were away first leg, got a decent 0-0 draw in Moscow, then at Highbury we were 3-2 up with seconds remaining. With away goals counting double it actually meant we were 4-3 down. Fortunately we got a corner and, eager as ever, I rushed forward. Bizarrely Anders and Smudger seemed content to keep the ball in the corner and the bossman was gesticulating that I should get back in goal. These guys seemed content to win on the night but crash out of Europe. A bizarre lack of ambition. Sadly Smudge was dispossessed and I was lobbed from the halfway line whilst desperately trying to get back. And who do you think ended up copping the stick for our exit? No prizes for guessing. Nobody else seemed to realise we’d have gone out anyway but that’s just the nature of sportswriting in this country I suppose. As a keeper, being a scapegoat comes with the territory.

Having said all of this, the away goals rule was implemented to encourage teams to attack away from home; this can only be a good thing. I simply think the rule should be uniform across the board. It should be implemented in the league as soon as possible. Further still, away goals should count double in the scoring charts. Nobody wants to see Pele’s scoring records last forever, that’s boring. It’s brilliant when these things are broken. Imagine just how many goals Van Persie would have got last season if this rule had been in place. I’m sure some very clever bods with their computers could work it out but even I can deduce it’d be a hell of a lot!

Everyone loves a keeper going up for a corner; along with an outfield player going in goal it’s pretty much the best thing about the beautiful game. In ice hockey the keeper comes out more often than not in the death throes of a game and in basketball the keeper goes up with every single attack. I really think this is the reason football has never gone huge across the pond. If away goals were introduced for league games then Harty and myself wouldn’t be the only ones going up for corners every game. And if there’s one thing we all love, from fans to managers, it’s an open game with lots of goals and very little focus on defending.

Follow me on twitter, @simon9smithpro

In a professional career spanning almost two decades, Simon Smith has played for over sixty-seven clubs. The ultimate utility player, as his pace has diminished Simon has managed to reinvent himself time and again, from poacher to holding midfielder, centre-back to goalkeeper. Now that his website has been closed down, we have exclusive access to his weekly column.

I feel for Andre Villas-Boas, I really do. We’ve all been there. And I don’t mean the managerial magic roundabout. I know better than most what it’s like to be given too little time. And at Chelsea no less.

Picture the scene: Stamford Bridge, 1992. Tony Cascarino and myself are at the top of our game and scoring goals for fun in training. This was my first big money move as Chelsea had splashed out nearly £1.5 million on Paul Elliott MBE and Celtic threw me in too just to sweeten the deal. I was excited. My first game was a pre-season friendly at Boreham Wood. This was the big time.

Sure, I was nervous. Who wouldn’t be? No easy games at that level and the Wood are no mugs. I figured the most important thing was to get through the first 10 minutes unscathed. Unfortunately fate (a.k.a. Dennis Wise) had other ideas.

At times of stress I can get quite gassy. I make no bones about that. This I knew. What I didn’t know was that the captain of Boreham Wood’s ’47 Athenian League second division title winning side had sadly passed away that week. This would quite literally be squeaky bum time during the minute’s silence before the game.

Well, we’ve all been there. However hard I tried to think about not farting, the more difficult it became to not fart. Eventually one popped out that was simply too loud to ignore. My situation wasn’t helped by Wisey comically covering his nose and pretending to retch. What irritates me most is that sure, it was a loud one, but fairly scentless. Dennis is a lovely bloke but part of me still hasn’t forgiven him for that.

The crowd went ballistic; largely I should add, as a result of Wisey’s mime antics. So this was what it must have been like in Galatasary. Welcome to hell. The Hertfordshire mob began chanting, ‘You’ve shat and you know you have.’ Before things escalated any further, the bossman came over and told me to disappear down the tunnel. I didn’t even get that opening 10 minutes. I wasn’t given enough time. Robert Fleck took my place and bagged a brace. Where’s the justice in that? He didn’t even kiss the badge.

A fortnight later and it’s Kerry Dixon’s testimonial at the Bridge. No margin for error this time. I eschew my traditional pre-match pound and a half of cheese and focus on the game in hand. It’s all about proving my worth and making sure I do enough to warrant a place in the side. Kerry, a tremendous servant of the club is bowing out after a decade and boy is he on fire. Twice he rounds the keeper and strokes the ball towards an empty net. I’m in the zone though and twice apply the finishing touch just to make sure. I’m on a hat-trick and there is a stunned silence throughout the ground. I can see the disbelief on the faces of some fans. They’ve clearly never seen a debut like it. Then, after half an hour, we get a penalty. Kerry plops the ball on the spot and pauses. As he looks with a tear in his eye into the stand behind the goal, I can sense his apprehension. Nobody wants to miss a penalty on their testimonial so I run up and take the weight from his shoulders. The keeper didn’t even move. Pure class. I expect to be mobbed. A hat-trick on debut. This is the stuff of dreams. But no. None of my team-mates embrace me. The Chelsea fans have broken their reverential silence and begin to boo. I’m touched as I realise they must be trying to steel me for future away matches where my prodigious talent will no doubt draw some stick. It goes on for what feels like forever and does begin to get quite nasty. I look over to the bossman for validation. My number’s up. I’m being subbed. A chance to soak up the adulation after a job well done perhaps? Far from it. The jeering continues unabated but sadly not loud enough to drown out the sound of the bossman assuring me, in no uncertain terms, that I’ll never play for Chelsea again. And I never did.

Sometimes, at a club like Chelsea, even a hat-trick isn’t enough. AVB was a good man with a good beard but ultimately it wasn’t enough. It annoys me that he got so much stick for losing the dressing room. That’s happened to me countless times over the years, Craven Cottage in particular is a labyrinth of windy corridors, almost impossible to find your way around. It’s not as though he was ever late for kick-off or anything.

What next for AVB? Well, Villas his middle name so I wouldn’t bet against him replacing Alex McLeish sometime soon. Some cynics will suggest there’s no link between name and club but I’d point out ARSENe at Arsenal and MANCini at City. Not to mention, when I’m down about the state of the world, I’m often cheered up simply by recalling the fact that, between 1998 and 2003, Wolfgang Wolf was the manager of Wolfsburg. And who would rule him out of taking on the Wolves job next? My own middle name is Randy so you’ll have to ask the missus whether I live up to that one!

With managers being granted less and less time, you have to wonder who will go next. Well, here’s this week’s betting tip for you all based on recent events. After West Brom beat Wolves, Mick McCarthy was sacked. After West Brom beat Chelsea, Villas-Boas was sacked. Who have the Baggies got next? Manchester United. With generous odds of 200-1 on Ferguson to be the next man to get the chop, you’d be a fool not to stick a fiver down.

Follow me on twitter, @simon9smithpro

Pea-shooter a deadly weapon
18 goals from 37 appearances would be more than good enough for Javier Hernandez in his first season in English football. When you factor in that of those 37 games, only 20 have been starts, his record become even more impressive. The fact that the Premier League’s top scorer, Dimitar Berbatov, has fallen behind Hernandez in the pecking order speaks volumes for the Mexican’s potential.

It could get worse for Torres…
…in the short-term. Ultimately, it will get better. Form is temporary, but class is permanent, and there’s no doubting the Spaniard has that in bags. Last night, however, he seemed to crumble under the weight of expectation. Not only was Chelsea’s entire season in the balance, but the fact he hasn’t yet scored in blue is clearly strung about his neck like an obese albatross, and judging by his impact as a sub Didier Drogba would almost certainly have been a better bet. Not even facing his favoured opponent Nemanja Vidic could revive the Spaniard. I suspect we may not see the best of Torres until United have the title in the bag too and the pressure is well and truly off. Only then he can he concentrate fully on integrating in to the side.

It’s too soon to sack Ancelotti
If you believe some of the rumours on Fleet Street, not even a victory last night could save Carlo Ancelotti’s job. I have to say, I find the idea of sacking a manager who won the double in his first season after a solitary trophyless campaign ridiculous. Ancelotti has experience of reigniting ageing sides at Milan. There have been signs in recent weeks that he’s capable of doing just the same at Chelsea.

This “average” United side could win a treble
I have to admit I’ve been waiting all season long for this United side to come a-cropper. Now they’re odds-on to win the Premier League, and in the semi-finals of both the FA Cup and Champions League. It’s a huge testament to a winning mentality instilled in the culture of the club by the manager. If he is able to claim all three prizes once more, 12 years after the Nou Camp, would Alex Ferguson finally decide to go out on a high?

Man United’s loss to Chelsea last night was telling. Not just in terms of how it opens up the title race but it gave us another fabulous insight into the world of Alex Ferguson.

Barely hours after Wayne Rooney had gotten away with his elbow, United found themselves on the wrong end of a couple of decisions. Firstly, I thought the penalty was extremely generous. Zhirkov ran into Smalling who made no Denilsonesque wave of his leg. He just stood there and the Russian tumbled.

Then, having already been booked, the exciting David Luiz very obviously and very deliberately fouled Wayne Rooney. It was a second yellow offence, no doubt about it. Especially when you consider what Vidic got his second yellow for. But perhaps Martin Atkinson chose to overlook the foul because it was on Wayne Rooney. Perhaps it was some payback for Rooney’s first half dive.

Whatever the reason for it, it was a poor decision. Luiz should have gone. And the United manager’s ire was understandable. Yet surely after getting away with one over the Rooney incident he’d keep quiet? Nope. That’s forgotten, water under the bridge already, and he directed the invective towards Atkinson.

I must say that, when I saw who was refereeing it, I feared the worst. You want a fair referee, you know … You want a strong referee, anyway, and we didn’t get that.

It will be interesting to see how the FA react to this. Having been accused, wrongly in my opinion, of being in United’s pocket because of Clattengate, they know face a situation where a top level manager has called into question the integrity of a match official.

Like I say, I can understand the ire, but casting those kinds of aspersions on a referee is not something that goes down well at Soho Square. I suspect an FA charge and this time not even Mark Clattenburg can save him.

Player idolised by the fans ups and leaves. It hurts. I get it. We all get it. But burning your club’s shirt? No. Just no.

Burn Fernando, burn

It might have Torres on the back but on the front is the Liverpool crest. Kenny Dalglish said:

Players leave the club and players come in, though more have come into this club than gone. It’s no different now. People move on. The most important thing is the club.

It might be a symbolic gesture but anyone who thinks they’re doing anything other than disrespecting the club is entirely wrong. Protesting citizens setting fire to the flag of a warring neighbour or an oppressive regime, fine. Torres was a Spanish footballer (not genocidal despot) who scored lots of goals for Liverpool FC and on whom they have just made a profit of £30m. I fully understand fans feeling a bit betrayed by him  but to go as far as to set fire to the shirt is frankly pathetic.

Beyond that I think Liverpool have taken two big gambles in Carroll and Suarez. South American strikers who make a Premier League impact are few and far between. Those who have failed more than outnumber those who have not. He has a lot to do to prove he’s not the next Alfonso Alves or Matej Kezman, players who score a bucketload in Holland but flopped miserably in England.

Yes, he looked exciting in the World Cup but then Liverpool fans won’t need reminding that so did El Hadj Diouf before he joined.

As for Carroll, I’m just flabbergasted that anyone can think £35m on him is anything other than massively overpriced. Sure, there’s potential and Liverpool are making an investment in that, but when you spend that kind of money you expect the finished article. He has half a season of decent performances under his belt, a suspect temperament and a history of off-field issues.

It will require Steven Gerrard to supply him with the kind of service he got from Joey Barton at Newcastle. Whatever you think of the cigar-man his dead ball delivery is up there with the best. Dalglish can teach him a lot too but Carroll at £35m+ is the ultimate example of the ‘English tax’. Transfers of English players between two English clubs rarely represent anything like their real value.

In a world where David Villa is sold for £33m, Edin Dzeko for £27m, there’s just no justifcation, other than desperation, for the Andy Carroll fee. I’m not saying he can’t do a job at Anfield, but with that kind of a price kind comes expectation and responsibility and I don’t think Carroll can fulfill either of them well enough.

How different things are at Chelsea these days.  The time has been that all they had to do was click their fingers and Europe’s top talent would come running.  The lure, at first, was money.  Later, the opportunity to win trophies and work with luminary talent like Jose Mourinho swung the balance.  But money, lots of money, was always at the heart of it.

With the Financial Fair Play rules on the horizon, Chelsea have tightened the purse-strings somewhat in recent years.  However, this January, with the team struggling to keep pace with Manchester United and their Champions League place under threat, Roman Abramovich is seeking to invest once more.

Problem is, they can’t.

First Steven Pienaar opted to join Tottenham instead.  Then, within the last 24 hours, a bid for Fernando Torres was rejected and the mooted deal for Benfica centre-half David Luiz collapsed over the proposed payment structure.  There’ve also been less convincing reports of a double bid for Sergio Aguero and Diego Godin, similarly turned down.

Chelsea, it seems, are paying the price for their previously luxuriant spending. When the Blues come a-calling, clubs hold them to ransom.  Abramovich might be intent on downgrading his outlay, but it doesn’t mean he’s run out of funds – and clubs know that.  He set an expensive precedent, and now Chelsea have to foot the bill.

Superseded by Manchester City in both the wealth stakes and the league standings, it’s an awkward period for Chelsea and Abramovich.  The few days between now and the end of the transfer window might tell us just how much his pride has been hurt – and, crucially, how far he’s willing to go to do something about it.

A very quick one and one that will hopefully be picked up on by some Chelsea fans. Would love their thoughts on this.

As the half-time whistle went yesterday Chelsea went in 1-0 down and left the pitch to a chorus of boos. Sure, they didn’t play at all well, almost unrecognisable from the team we’re used to seeing, but isn’t it a bit much to direct that kind of ire at a team who have been so dominant at home for so long?

Onuoha’s goal was the first they’d conceded at home in the league this season yet there was no appreciation of that outstanding record, merely a disapproval that the goal had been conceded.

I realise teams set their own standards and Chelsea’s have been very high indeed but shouldn’t there be more understanding from fans who are there not just to be entertained and to enjoy the good stuff but to support their team when things go badly too? The boos were probably more related to the performance than the goal itself but still.

It’s not just a problem for Chelsea, I don’t mean to single them out, but I just found it extraordinary that after such an incredible defensive record the team was booed for letting in one goal during one bad 45 minutes of football.

Chelsea have stooped low to scoop up 11-year old Northampton striker Michael Gyasi for an undisclosed fee.

Chelsea’s interest was attracted by an outstanding end of term report, in which Gyasi was commended for his punctuality, good behaviour, and improving handwriting.  Apparently they decided to formalise their move for him after he snaffled seventy-three goals in one particularly productive lunchtime kickabout.

Gyasi has been earmarked as a future form captain, and has had some pundits clamouring to hail him as ‘the next Sonny Pike‘.

Cobblers centre of excellence boss Trevor Gould said:

“Michael has progressed well and has improved with our coaching.”

Which is as it ought to be, really.  Any coaching which made him worse would have to be questioned.

Good luck Michael, and watch out Didier: there’s a new kid on the block.

Didier Drogba celebrated his backheeled goal against Arsenal by crossing himself and thanking a higher power.  For Drogba, it was unusually and unnecessarily modest.  Whilst he could never have predicted the ball would cannon in off the post in that fashion, his unconventional flick was the mark of a player instinctive, alert, and opportunistic – all signs of a striker at the very top of his game.

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Already this season, Wolves have picked up 21 cautions and two red cards.  Unsurprisingly, they’re now starting to worry that they might acquire something of a ‘reputation’.  Kevin Doyle has insisted that any notoriety is misplaced:

“If you were to look at it on paper you’d think we were a dirty team, but if you look back to last year we were one of the fairest sides in the league.”

Which as defences go is pretty weak.  The evidence of Wolves’ physicality is clear.  What did or didn’t happen last year is irrelevant.  If Wolves are, God willing, relegated this season, then they won’t be able to appeal to the Premier League on the grounds that they played much better the year before.  In football, the present is all that really matters.

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The chief perpetrator of Wolves’ overly-physical approach has been Karl Henry.  Perhaps he’ll be forced to reconsider the manner of his ‘tackling’ having been dismissed so early in their game against Wigan for his latest lunge.  With any luck, a referee will finally step up and apply the same disciplinary sanction to Nigel De Jong, who this weekend did what he had been threatening to do for some time and snapped the leg of Hatem Ben Arfa in two places.  The warning signs were there during the World Cup – De Jong serves little purpose other than to clatter his opponents.  His style of play shows a basic lack of respect for the safety of his fellow professionals, and it’s essential that referees respond accordingly.  If they continue to allow such challenges to go unpunished, then the FA or Premier League will be forced to introduce retrospective action.

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Mark Hughes looks healthier, happier, and settled in to his new job at Fulham.  He says it’s because he’s put on weight.  Maybe it’s actually because he’s finally found a club whose ambitions are compatible with his love of a level scoreline.  It was a run of seven successive draws that essentially ended his spell at Manchester City.  Six ties from his opening seven games as Fulham manager, however, have seen him heralded as captain of an unbeaten ship.  As a player, Hughes was something of a sharpshooter.  As a manager, it seems he’s still quick on the draw.

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So Liverpool have slumped to a new nadir.  One question: would a foreign manager be under more pressure from the media than struggling Woy?

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As ever, your thoughts, observations, and ramblings are welcome.