Three and in – not just another football blog

After Stoke’s game with Fulham, Tony Pulis refused to shake Mark Hughes’ hand.  After the game, Pulis confirmed it was a retaliatory gesture after Hughes refused his hand back in September.:

“He has done it when we played in the League Cup and now I have done it back,” Pulis said. “It’s two Welshmen with a bit of competition. I certainly won’t lose any sleep over it and I’m sure he won’t.”

The childish tit for tat tactics of Pulis are surprising enough, but even more so when you put them in the context of his comments almost exactly a year ago:

“Arsene Wenger has made a decision not to shake Mark Hughes’ hand, whether that is right or wrong you’d have to ask him.

But personally, whether I like or dislike someone, you have a responsibility to show the right spirit of the game.

And whether you disagreed with Mark being outside of his technical area at one stage, in the spirit of the game you should still shake hands.

That’s not only for people in the Premier League or Championship, it is also for young teams and young managers to see.

You should shake hands, you don’t have to go for a drink afterwards with them for a tittle-tattle.”

It seems this mans ethics are a good deal more flexible than his tactics.

Thanks to Zonal Marking for the heads up.

It would be wrong to say that Arsenal’s defeat to Newcastle was the entirely fault of Lukasz Fabianski. As a team they were poor, they lacked creativity and any kind of attacking spark and never looked like scoring one, let alone matching the four they put past a weaker Newcastle team in the Carling Cup.

However, you can’t ignore the fact that Fabianski came for Barton’s free kick and didn’t get there. Maybe Arsenal could have marked Carroll better, but the bottom line is that if a keeper comes that far he has to get the ball. He was neither positive enough nor strong enough and the goal was his fault. As Newcastle hardly threatened beyond that at the very least he cost Arsenal a point.

It’s his second blunder of the season. The first, in the Carling Cup game against Spurs, was more or less forgotten as Arsenal put four past their local rivals. To his credit he’s put in some decent performances since, the game against Man City stands out, but there’s no escaping the fact he’s error prone. Newcastle knew it and Joey Barton said afterwards:

The plan before the game was to suck the keeper out at free-kicks. It didn’t work the first few times but we knew if we got it right, we would get a goal – and that’s exactly what happened

Or, to put it another way:

The plan before the game was to suck the keeper out at free-kicks. It didn’t work the first few times but we knew if Fabianski got it wrong, we would get a goal – and that’s exactly what happened

We know all keepers make mistakes, to expect flawless performances all the time is just wrong, but between Fabianski and Almunia – who hasn’t been seen since his disastrous day against West Brom – Arsenal’s keepers make more errors than most. Especially those at clubs who have ambitions of winning the league and Champions League.

Wenger persists though, his defence of Fabianski may have been a case of protecting his player publicly, yet it will have done little for the blood pressure of Arsenal fans whose tolerance for such mistakes is low. The only consistency with both Fabianski and Almunia is their inconsistency.

Arsenal have a young goalkeeper of huge potential, Wojciech Szczesny, who is out of contract next summer. Arsene Wenger has spoken about him being a future number 1 at the club but unless he plays regularly he’s not going to sign a new deal.

Perhaps, in the light of another costly Fabianski error and the realisation that Almunia is not going to get any better, the future is now. Is it any more of a gamble than continuing to play goalkeepers who you know are going to mistakes?

Ask most journalists about an Arsene Wenger press conference and they’ll tell you they enjoy them a great deal. The Arsenal manager is open (unless talking about transfers), funny, honest and engaging.

The assembled journalists know that if they ask him a question, even if it’s not related to Arsenal, he’ll give them an answer. There is almost always a part of his weekly press conference which pertains to the pressing issue of the week whether there’s any Arsenal focus to it or not.

He speaks intelligently about the game of football itself, is critical of things he perceives to be bad for the game overall and not just Arsenal. Yet time and time again the same journalists who laugh and joke with him in the press conference misrepresent him in print or during their punditry.

This weekend was a perfect case in point. After the potential leg-breaking foul on Abou Diaby by Paul Robinson, Wenger hit out at the lack of protection for players. All players. Not just Arsenal players. He said:

I do not say I get an unfair press, its not about me this story, its about the players who play football with the right intention. The only thing I regret if I speak about it – it is only controversial and it is: ‘Wenger, Wenger, Wenger, Wenger, Wenger, Wenger, Wenger…’

He then practically pleaded with those in the media to support what he said about the lack of protection offered to all players:

I would like you to support me, not the managers. Instead of making a story, write the truth. You have a responsibility as well don’t worry. It is like the pundits on television, the journalists – we all have responsibility. It’s not only me.

So what happens? Well, on Soccer Saturday on Sky Sports Jeff Stelling and his motley crew decided to make it all about Arsenal. After they showed one replay of the Robinson challenge they then showed five or six perfectly fair Bolton tackles, ignoring one or two terrible ones, making it look as if Wenger was the one with the problem. Nobody said every Bolton tackle was a foul. It was actually embarrassing to see the depths they plumbed just to have a pop.

On ESPN they Ray Stubbs and Jon Champion mentioned time and again how Wenger kept going on about wanting more protection for his players, ignoring the point that he was talking in general terms.

And it gets the point where you have this kind of nonsense from Mark Lawrenson in The Mirror:

What is it with Wenger? On the one hand, the guy says Arsenal are stronger physically this season. But, at the same time, he complains that his team shouldn’t be tackled.

This is a man who is paid by the BBC and the Mirror for his ‘expert’ opinion on football yet he’s either creating fiction, because Arsene Wenger has never said that, or he’s just too lazy to read or listen to what Wenger actually says. I suspect the latter, to be honest. It’s much easier to parrot what you think people are saying rather than spend any time watching Wenger’s press conferences, you know, doing some actual work. If he did he’d know the Arsenal manager has never said his players shouldn’t be tackled. Quite the opposite in fact:

I admire a great technical tackle as much as a creative pass. A tackle is an art in itself – that means you always have your eye on the ball, never with a high foot, in your tackle you can already make a pass. Tackling is an art you do not want to get out of the game.

Lawrenson is essentially ignorant and unprofessional. If you have the privilege of making a living talking and writing about the game of football then you have a responsibility to your employers, and to those who listen and read you, to be as well informed as possible. His comments about Wenger are just utterly wrong. It’s complete fiction yet people like Lawrenson are given a huge platform every week to perpetrate this nonsense.

Once again we have a situation where the story has become ‘Wenger, Wenger, Wenger, Wenger, Wenger, Wenger, Wenger…’. What he actually said and what he actually meant have been taken and twisted by the media so the real point is lost.

And here’s the thing, the real point is to make football safer for players in every team. It’s to stop tackles like this, or like this, or like this, which cause serious injury. Players out of the game for months at a time, battles to save careers which aren’t always successful, and the impact it has on teams when they lose players through acts of recklessness and violence on the football pitch.

That’s the real issue and it’s little short of a disgrace that the media use it to take cheap shots at a man for trying to raise it. Of course he’s going to be biased towards his own team, every manager is, but when someone speaks out for the good of the game in general it’s sad that the small-minded fools who have such an influence on public opinion can’t see they’re doing so more harm than good.

There are great mysteries in life. Such as the lost city of Atlantis, the Bermuda Triangle, how they made Stonehenge, the fact that people pay the slightest bit of attention to anything Stan Collymore or Robbie Savage says and Arsenal not buying a goalkeeper during this transfer window.

Some of them are easily solved:

Atlantis – either never existed or it was sunk by a gigantic earthquake/tsunami or godzilla. The Bermuda Triangle was invented by Barry Manilow to enable a chart topping hit. Stonehenge was made with great difficulty, people are stupid and will listen to any old crap and as for the final one, well … erm … good question.

Here are some three and in suggestions as to why Arsenal failed to bring in a keeper.

1 – Sebastien Squillaci has been fitted with a forcefield which will prevent any shots reaching the Arsenal goalmouth

2 – Manuel Almunia is a Jedi, not a very good Jedi but a Jedi nonetheless, and he told Arsene Wenger ‘This is not the goalkeeper you are looking for’ when he saw him looking at Mark Schwarzer’s scouting file

3 – Pat Rice and Arsene Wenger are having a ‘Trading Places‘ style bet with regard to Lukasz Fabianski.

4 – Vito Mannone’s people called up Fulham’s people and made them an offer they couldn’t refuse

5 – Wenger is hoping to bring back Alex Manninger and Richard Wright in January

6 – The Arsenal manager believes so strongly in Carlos Vela’s ability to score a hat-trick in every game he wants to make matches fairer by sticking with what he’s got.

7 – The thought of one of the current goalkeepers leaving made Emmanuel Eboue so upset he threatened never to wear his tiger suit again.

8 – It is impossible to make an English language anagram from ‘Wojciech Szczesny’. As he is the only unanagrammable goalkeeper in the Premier League it was thought best not to bring in somebody who would get in his way.

It was also felt that as Shay Given anagrams as ‘A sigh, envy’ it would be best to leave him at Man City so said anagram can remain applicable to Arsenal fans.

9 – The Arsenal board heard Alan Brazil on TalkSport insisting that Arsenal needed to buy a goalkeeper. Understandably they figured the best thing to do, in matters football, is the opposite of what Alan Brazil thinks and refused to sanction any deal.

10 – Bob Wilson, a keen student of Nostradamus, advised Arsene Wenger of prophecy XII which reads:

Connected by wires the masses complain
the man with the gloves brings so much pain
yet keep what you have for the silver refrain
bejesus said paddy over and over and over again

Please note this list is not conclusive. Feel free to suggest your own reasons. Many of these reasons may be entirely false, making the likelihood of one of them being true all the higher.

Everyone knows Arsenal need a new goalkeeper.  My grandma knows.  From the way she whimpers when their matches come on the telly, I suspect my dog knows.  In his heart of hearts, Lukasz Fabianski probably knows.  It is, with the possible exception of the fact that Harry Redknapp’s face is 90% wax, football’s worst-kept secret.

Arsene Wenger knows too.  Watching a corner come in to the Arsenal penalty area is like watching fat American men hurling bowling balls at defenceless skittles.  Which is why it’s all the more galling for Arsenal fans that he’s made such a hash of his attempt to fill the number one shirt.

Wenger seems to think of signing a goalkeeper as an irritating duty he has to attend to, like attending a niece’s christening.  It’s the last thing on his mind.  One imagines CEO Ivan Gazidis walking in to his office to find Wenger salivating over DVDs of unknown francophonic playmakers, whilst a love letter from Shay Given lies discarded in the bin.

In May he made a tentative enquiry for Mark Schwarzer – a keeper whose main appeal to Wenger is that he’s so old that he wouldn’t derail Fabianski’s progression.  Since that was dismissed, we’ve heard nothing.  As kick-off approaches, Arsenal fans are bracing themselves to see the Polish prankster in between the sticks at Anfield.

It’s as if Wenger expects a keeper to just fall in to his lap – which Fabianski probably did, whilst attempting to claim a cross.  But there is no position more crucial, and none that demands as much work in identifying and purchasing.  It’s simple: no club wants to lose their first-choice goalie.  He’s a vital component of the side, as integral to the back four as any centre-half.  Selling Schwarzer now would begin the dismantling of the robust defensive unit that Roy Hodgson worked so hard to assemble.

Furthermore, it would leave Fulham with just a few weeks to conjure a replacement.  Why Wenger has left it so late baffles me: not only does it mean selling teams will be wary of their capacity to bring someone else in, but it means any signing has missed out on the opportunity to gel with Vermaelen & Co in pre-season.

Finally we come to the sticky issue of a fee.  Fulham would reportedly accept £4m for Schwarzer, whilst Arsenal’s bid was closer to £2m.  That’s fair enough – £4m would be a lot to pay for a player approaching his 38th birthday.  But Wenger has never paid more than the £6m he spent on Richard Wright for a keeper.  If the bargain basement Schwarzer deal falls through, that may have to change.

Spending money on a Number 1 is one of the most sensible investments you can make.  They are, in both a literal and allegorical sense, the first name on the team-sheet.  Injuries aside, they will play every major game.  They don’t need to be rested or rotated: they’re a bedrock you can rely upon.

We don’t know what enquiries Arsenal have made, what doors they’ve knocked on, what email addresses they’ve flooded with increasingly desperate spam.  But Wenger’s approach to signing a goalkeeper appears, from the outside, distressingly complacent.

My dog is worried.  My grandma is worried.  In fact the only person happy about this is Lukasz Fabianski.  I bet he can’t believe his luck.

Arsenal fans are a bit concerned with the potential signing of Emir Spahic from Montpellier. He’s not well known enough, apparently. Wiki stats don’t tell you he’s a world class player and his name sounds a bit silly.

Yet when you look at the players Wenger signs does he have more success with the ones people have never heard of? Some examples:

Bacary Sagna: Then – hardly a household name outside France. Now – first choice for his country* and Arsenal

Thomas Vermaelen: Then – despite what folk say I don’t think too many people had heard of him outside Holland and Belgium. Ajax weren’t in the Champions League so he missed that exposure. Now – considered one of the best signings of last season and just the kind of signing Arsenal fans would love to see again.

Eduardo da Silva: Then – Croatian international playing for Dinamo Zagreb. People said ‘Who?’ when he was signed not long after the sale of Thierry Henry. Now – Croatian international playing for Shaktar Donetsk but I think most people would accept his Arsenal career would have been much more successful if he hadn’t had his leg obliterated by Martin Taylor.

Could also add to this list Patrick Vieira, Cesc Fabregas, Edu etc whilst ignoring Denilson, Diaby and some others because they were youngsters (but it’s ok to include Cesc. It is just is, that’s why). Speculative cheap as chips gambles like Tavlaridis, Stepanovs, Malz and Bischoff don’t count because they were clearly part of a sophisticated money-laundering scam by the Gunners.

And what if he signs players who are well known and have a bit of a reputation:

Francis Jeffers: Then – one of the most promising young English strikers who had just broken Alan Shearer’s record at U21 level. Now – works in a fish and chip shop or has signed for Blackpool. Possibly a combination of both.

Jose Antonio Reyes: Then – the most famous Andalucian since Pablo Picasso. Now – plays for Atletico Madrid but never fulfilled his early promise at Arsenal (mostly because of a mean DJ, a family who couldn’t live without pig’s knuckles on demand and Le Stare D’Henry).

Mikael Silvestre: Then – a multi-trophy winning Man United defender and French international who might, in fairness, have been on the wane somewhat. Now – unable to find a new club after two years at Arsenal during which he showed he was to defending what Chris Waddle was to high pressure penalty taking.

Also in this list Richard Wright, Giovanni van Bronckhorst, Hleb, perhaps Rosicky and even Emmanuel Adebayor who, despite the fact he scored goals, came with the reputation as a troublemaker and lived up to it. Theo Walcott hasn’t exactly lived up to expectations either but he’s still got time.

So, in conclusion, if Arsenal sign Spahic he’ll either be a good signing or he won’t. Or even just average. No actual facts should be taken from this article.

* threeandin are aware it’s possible that anyone with vague ability could get into the French side but this is no reflection on Sagna who really is quite good.

Throughout the World Cup I’ve been enjoying Baddiel & Skinner’s Absolute Radio podcasts. In their latest recording, they mention bumping in to Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger in the lobby of their hotel. Halfway through the encounter, a member of staff appeared with a snack for Arsene: a plate carrying two green apples, and a knife.

It’s decidedly, definitely weird.  We all fancy an apple from time-to-time, but two?  Most odd.

And yet it’s entirely credible.  It seems to suit him, like Fergie’s claret, or Big Sam’s cholesterol-lined pie.  I can imagine Arsene delicately peeling his apple, aiming for precision technique whilst bemoaning others who just much carelessly through to the core.  Try telling him it’s the same result in the end and he won’t have it.

Anyway, eventually he’ll have got rid of all the big, valuable bits of the apple until he’s just left with tiny seeds.  One day the seeds will grow up to be big, valuable apples themselves.  And then they’ll go to Barcelona.

Painfully extended metaphors aside, we seem to have solved one of football’s great mysteries: just why Arsene Wenger is so incredibly thin.

Another Premier League season draws to a close and leaving aside the actual medal and trophy part of winning, and the getting relegated or being beaten in a final part of losing, here are Three and in‘s top 5 winners and losers of this season (in no particular order, I might add).

WINNERS

1 – Roy Hodgson: He came to a Fulham side in disarray and saved them from almost certain relegation. Since then he’s moulded a side that’s disciplined, tough to beat and who have been on a fantastic European voyage this season. Regardless of what happens in the Europa League final, Hodgson has proved that his previous spell in English management at Blackburn Rovers was a blip on what has been a fine and highly respected career.

2 -Wayne Rooney: Ronaldo’s world record transfer freed up Rooney and his goalscoring record has been quite outstanding. It’s a testament to his professionalism and team ethic that he played wide for United, never complained and let his Portuguese teammate hog the limelight. United are now reaping the benefits of a player who has learned a lot about the game from living Ronaldo’s shadow, his player of the year awards were well deserved.

3 - Darren Bent: Sunderland might have perceived as a step down after his move to Spurs but the former Charlton man showed why the Londonders bought him in 2007. 25 goals, all but one of them in the Premier League, had people talking about an England call up and Capello could certainly do worse. Maybe the £16.5m price tag weighed him down at White Hart Lane and Steve Bruce has certainly managed him better than Harry Redknapp. The boy done well.

4 – Wayne Bridge: He’s not much of a player but there wasn’t a football fan in the world who didn’t admire him for this.

5 – Mick McCarthy: An odd one considering but the last time Mick McCarthy managed a Premier League team they were relegated with a record low points total and McCarthy was fired with 10 games of the season to go (at which point Sunderland were 16 points from safety). Many predicted the same thing for his Wolves side but some canny purchases, not least of which is Irish international Kevin Doyle, and good managing of his resources means he, and they, get to spend another season in the top flight.

LOSERS

1 – Phil Brown: It was clear he lost the dressing room when he sat his players on the pitch to give them a teamtalk. Those who thought Brown added character to the Premier League couldn’t defend his toe curling singing when Hull survived last season. And this campaign it was obvious things weren’t right. Only 5 wins all season, just 4 points away from home, and Brown was put on ‘gardening leave’. It was too late for Hull, Brown’s ego was allowed to run out of control and ultimately it cost them Premier League football.

2 – Arsene Wenger: For the most part Arsenal’s season has been good but once again they fell short. In the title race almost to the end they didn’t so much fall away as implode. Yes, the injuries to key players didn’t help, but in January he could have bought a striker, he could have bought a goalkeeper when it was obvious it was a problem position. Perhaps he’s been hamstrung by money but nearly everyone can tell you what Arsenal need, Wenger seems happy to ignore it. His team have gone down without a fight and that, more than another trophyless season, is what Arsenal fans will remember.

3 – Ryan Shawcross: The Stoke centre-half cried when he was red carded against Arsenal. His tackle snapped Aaron Ramsey’s leg in two. He claimed he wasn’t that kind of player despite evidence to the contrary (3.2mb PDF). Even so, we can all accept he didn’t mean to break Ramsey’s leg, it was simply a consequence of the reckless tackling encouraged by his manager and all those who defended him as ‘not that kind of player’. His place on this list, however, isn’t because of any of that, it’s down to the litany of articles and interviews he gave talking about how tough it had been for him and how he’d somehow managed to cope. As Aaron Ramsey faces 9-12 months out of the game, not knowing if his career will go the same way as Eduardo, Shawcross’s self-pitying drivel was one of the lowlights of the season.

4 – Rafa Benitez: The Liverpool manager has cried foul about the money he never got to spend but he splashed most of what he got for Xabi Alonso on Alberto Aquilani who hardly played at all. He knew he had to sell to buy for a long time. He was prepared to sell Alonso the previous summer to fund a purchase for Gareth Barry. The lack of money is an excuse. He’s bought and sold badly at Liverpool, has seemed too interested in power behind the scenes and ultimately he went into a Premier League season with only Fernando Torres as a recognised first team striker. When you look at the fact that players like Keane, Bellamy and Crouch have been and gone there’s really no way to defend him. It’s true that the owners have caused problems but when it comes right down to it, the owners didn’t make Liverpool play like a mid-table side this season, Benitez and his players did. Clean slate needed at Anfield.

5 – John Terry: Nobody said footballers have to be role models but it helps, especially when you’re Chelsea and England captain. Terry had his worst season on the pitch, and his worst off. There are lines you don’t cross in your personal life, knocking up one of your best mates girlfriends, ex or not, is further over the line than Pedro Mendes ‘goal’ against United. He was stripped of the England captaincy, Capello preferring to give it a man who beats up DJs in bars than a shameless adulterer. Chelsea might win the title, they might win the FA Cup, but it’ll be in spite of Terry more than anything else.