Three and in – not just another football blog

This from the Get Out Of Town file, then.

The tale runs that a 2 year old octopus by the name of Paul is a football match outcome predicting machine. Or cephalopod if you want to get picky.

What happens is 2 jars are placed before Paul, each containing an indentical tasty tentacle treat.

Each jar is marked with a flag of the nations competing in the nominated match.

Tanja Munzig,  Paul’s aquarium boss says Paul the octopus not only chose a mussel from a jar with the German flag on it ahead of one in a similar jar bearing the cross of St George, prior to yesterday’s game, but he has a 70% success record.

So look out for men wielding live eels and goldfish in your local bookies.

It tickled me yesterday to hear the US television guy interviewing Landon Donovan after their last-gasp win over Algeria. Straight as you like he pointed the microphone and said “Mr Donovan …” before lauching into his question.

For us, on this side of the Atlantic, it sounds hilariously formal. It’s impossible to imagine Sky’s sycophant-in-chief Geoff Shreeves in the tunnel after a game looking for a response from Mr Rooney or Mr Terry. It just wouldn’t happen and in a way it’s a shame.

There ought to be more distance between those in the media and those who play the game. There’s an almost pathological desire from those in the media, and with many journalists too, to be seen as friends of the players, particularly England’s big names. The constant references on-air and in print to ‘Wazza’ or ‘JT’ or ‘Stevie G’ are toe-curling at the best of times and in the end it colours the analysis of the game.

In the Guardian Barry Glendenning brilliantly deconstructs Oliver Holt’s defence of John Terry after his, frankly indefensible, press conference outburst. How can Holt expect anyone to take what he says about Terry seriously when he’s the author of his biography? Where is the journalistic integrity? How can you legitimately critique someone you like to consider a ‘mate’.

In recent years the punditry on Irish television has become increasing popular on YouTube as the likes of John Giles, Eamon Dunphy, Liam Brady and even Graeme Souness, so staid and forumlaic when on Sky, look at the Premier League and even England in big tournaments. They have distance, not just geographically, from the players and managers they’re analysing and while not always perfect, they have provided a much more balanced, intelligent and scrutinous view of the football on show.

What the BBC, ITV, Sky and 95% of the print journalists do is not analysis, it’s grandstanding and cheerleading, borne out of a genuine fear of upsetting the subjects. We know what has happened, we can see it with our own eyes, tell us why it happened, what went wrong, what was done well. When the best television stations employ people who seem unable to talk in any other tense than the present perhaps we’re expecting too much anyway.

It’s clear that foreign players and managers are subjected to far more opprobrium than the darlings of the FA and as long as the chummy-chummy mindset is cultivated, where personal relationships with stars of the game are valued more than an honest reading of it, this will continue.

So “Mr Donovan” might sound formal to us but it’s a damn sight better than “Wazza” or “JT”.

It’s being reported that an Algerian player went bonkers after playing the USA.

After exiting the pitch, Algerian player Rafik Saifi spotted writer Asma Halimi, who works for Algerian newspaper Competition walked up to her and slapped her with his open hand in front of dozens of witnesses.

She hit him back, in the mouth and it’s suggested her nail caught his lip.

This prompted the player to then hurl a sports drink bottle at a wall in the interview area, as Halimi was ushered away by security staff.

The journalist plans to launch an official complaint with governing body FIFA and the Algerian FA. ”

After a dispiriting and borderline depressing display against Algeria, the nation waited to hear the reassuring words of their £6m p/year Italian General, Fabio Capello.  What they got was this.

Some highlights:

“We played no good game.  We missed a lot of balls.  I don’t know if it’s pressure or no good moment, but I think it was no good game.  We lose too many balls.”

I’m glad we got that cleared up.

I’m not one of the England fans who has suddenly turned on Capello – a man with a proven track record who has led an almost identical XI to some impressive victories.  I don’t doubt his tactical acumen or ability to read the game.  But I don’t understand why the media or the FA or whoever makes that decision insist on interviewing him in a language in which he’s about as as articulate as, well, most of his players.

The nation needs to hear what he thinks.  Anyone sitting at home can see that “we played no good game” and that this is “no good moment”.  Hell, Andy Townsend can tell us that.  Give Fabio a translator.  Let him say what he actually means.  Then we can start to decide if he’s the Don or a dunce.

I’ve always had my doubts about Emmanuel Adebayor’s suitability as a BBC pundit. To the list of qualities that include unqualified and incomprehensible we can now add ‘forgetful’.

I particularly like the way he tries to deal with it under the table, like a schoolboy.

Only one place to start, and end, today. ITV HD. From the BBC (who must be loving this):

ITV has apologised to its HD channel viewers after a “transmission problem” caused them to miss England’s first World Cup goal.

Less than four minutes into England’s World Cup opener, they went to an ad break. In that time Steven Gerrard scored. Footage below.

It would unfair to label it amateurish because even an amateur wouldn’t make that kind of mistake. For a national broadcaster to do that is the very height of incompetence.

Heads will roll, no doubt, but let’s remember it’s not exactly like ITV are treading new ground here. From The Guardian in February 09:

ITV has apologised to football fans for showing adverts during the only goal in the Merseyside derby. Millions of football fans were left in the dark over the 19-year-old Dan Gosling’s winning goal in last night’s match after ITV again dropped the ball during its £275m FA Cup coverage.

Gosling hit an 118th-minute goal to take Everton into the fifth round, but after viewers had sat through nearly two goalless hours ITV had already cut to a scheduled ad break moments before the winning goal.

Good to see they’ve learned their lessons then. And good to see Adrian Chiles is intent on giving Peter Drury a run for his money when it comes to toe-curling commentary. Speaking of Robert Green’s error which gave the USA a point in last night’s game, he said:

If there’s anyone we feel sorry for as much as Rob Green, it’s our boys in Afghanistan, forced to watch this with American soldiers

There aren’t enough words for vomit to pass comment on that. The football hasn’t been brilliant so far in this World Cup, thank the Gods for ITV though. They’re keeping us entertained.

Remember, if you see or hear any commentary or pundit classics, please let us know.

I watched the opening game of the World Cup on ITV yesterday. I had started on RTE but when the commentary is about two seconds ahead of the picture it gets tiresome very quickly. Not as tiresome as the vuvuzelas, but still.

Master of pomp and bluster for the day was Peter Drury, ably supported by Jim Beglin. The highlight, and by highlight I clearly mean lowlight, of their commentary came a few short minutes after South Africa’s wonderful opener. We had gone beyond Drury’s toe-curling shriek of ‘Bafana! Bafana!’ and the stomach churning ‘A goal for all Africa!”, when inset footage showed a group of people watching the game and their reaction to the goal.

Drury explained how ramshackle and downtrodden these people were.

“They only got electricity last week”, he said, as we watched them watch the game projected onto a big screen.

“That’s not even a TV!”, chimed Beglin, “that’s a sheet!”

Drury, the raw emotion of first world privilege barely under control, managed to exclaim, “Football is for people”, before getting on with the live coverage of the game.

“Football is for people”. Amazing insight. Will there be a more banal piece of commentary between now and the end of the World Cup? There certainly won’t be a more patronising one, that’s for sure.

And if you hear anything from ITV, BBC, RTE or wherever you have to live, please get in touch and let us know. There’s a whole world of terrible commentary out there, it would be wrong not to share it with fellow football fans.