Hup Holland Hup!

Last man back July 9, 2010 5

Well, let’s nail our colours to the mast for Sunday’s game. Many of us are neutrals who just want to see a good game of football.

However, I am firmly on the side of the Dutch. Here are the 5 reasons why.

1978 – The first game of football I can vividly remember watching as a young boy and I was up for Holland. I was underneath my Dad’s chair and I remember hurting my head when Rensenbrink hit the post in the final minute when he should have scored the goal to win the tournament.

Instead it went to injury time, goals from Mario Kempes and Daniel Bertoni won it for the hosts and I was absolutely gutted. Here we are 32 years later and I can still feel the pain. And I’m not Dutch. And yes, I really do bear a grudge.

Robin van Persie – As an Arsenal fan I want to see Arsenal players do well. I know Cesc is in the Spanish squad but he’s hardly played and anyway, he’s Catalan, like those other fake Spaniards from Barcelona. Robin’s had a quiet enough tournament in terms of goals but has done a lot of good work up top. I hope he scores the winner.


Xavi – sharp dresser, smooth footballer

Xavi – Yeah, we know you’re good, you don’t have to keep showing us in every game, do you? The pint sized Steve van Zandt lookalike is a quite remarkable player, I’ve got no problem admitting that, but his obsession with the DNA of Cesc Fabregas is irritating beyond belief.

Spanish workmen – I lived in Spain for a number of years (or Catalunya if we’re going to apply the same standards as in the Robin van Persie bit) and loved it. Great place, lots of sunshine, cheap beer, spirits and wine and warm sea. Wonderful.

Until something breaks. Then you have to go about the business of hiring a Spanish workman. When discussing time of arrival “in the morning” can be anywhere from 8am to 4pm in the afternoon. And “tomorrow” can mean any day within three weeks of the conversation.

They’re quick enough to land you with the bill when the job is finished, or more often than not half-finished. I’ve dealt with electricians, car repair people, plumbers, builders, carpenters and motorbike mechanics and if I thought I could get away with it I’d crucify each one of them for the pain they put me through.

Told you I’m a grudge king, didn’t I?

Sergio Ramos – Perhaps it’s petty of me but there’s just something about his face, particularly when he’s happy, that gets on my nerves. Imagine how happy he’d be if Spain won the World Cup?

He’d be smiling his smile with face and his mouth and his teeth and that floppy hair and I just don’t think I could cope with that. Sure, I could turn the TV off and forget about it as I have no real vested interest in the game, but I don’t want to listen to common sense and reason.

I’m a football fan, since when did either of those two things have any place in the game? I’m sorry but I want to see him weep. Or if not that just looking really sad would do. I don’t want to be greedy.

Bonus reason: In Spain I used to work with a Dutch bloke who called himself ‘Puk’.

‘What kind of a name is Puk?’, I asked him one day.

‘Oh, I just called myself that because my real name is so terrible’.

‘Really? Worse than Puk?’


‘What is it’.


‘Fair play to you, Rimjob. You did the right thing’.

So there you, my five reasons why I want Holland to win. Feel free to let us know who your favourite is and why.


  1. Kolo July 10, 2010 at 12:28 pm -

    I fucking hate Sergio Ramos. I feel that he is the donkey of the Spain squad.

  2. Hogger July 10, 2010 at 9:04 am -

    I’m behind Holland too. Been very underwhelmed by an admittedly excellent Spanish side.

    ps. I had final tickets in my ‘basket’ and failed to process the payement. High fives all round!

  3. Last man back July 9, 2010 at 8:57 pm -

    I agree. Octopuses are assholes

  4. arsenalkabisa July 9, 2010 at 6:40 pm -

    also the octopus has said Spain. I hate the octopus. I want it to be wrong. The octopus should be eaten.

  5. bet July 9, 2010 at 4:59 pm -

    i’m going to bet loads of money on holland and holland will win.

    they will get 2-1.

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