Three and in – not just another football blog

Pea-shooter a deadly weapon
18 goals from 37 appearances would be more than good enough for Javier Hernandez in his first season in English football. When you factor in that of those 37 games, only 20 have been starts, his record become even more impressive. The fact that the Premier League’s top scorer, Dimitar Berbatov, has fallen behind Hernandez in the pecking order speaks volumes for the Mexican’s potential.

It could get worse for Torres…
…in the short-term. Ultimately, it will get better. Form is temporary, but class is permanent, and there’s no doubting the Spaniard has that in bags. Last night, however, he seemed to crumble under the weight of expectation. Not only was Chelsea’s entire season in the balance, but the fact he hasn’t yet scored in blue is clearly strung about his neck like an obese albatross, and judging by his impact as a sub Didier Drogba would almost certainly have been a better bet. Not even facing his favoured opponent Nemanja Vidic could revive the Spaniard. I suspect we may not see the best of Torres until United have the title in the bag too and the pressure is well and truly off. Only then he can he concentrate fully on integrating in to the side.

It’s too soon to sack Ancelotti
If you believe some of the rumours on Fleet Street, not even a victory last night could save Carlo Ancelotti’s job. I have to say, I find the idea of sacking a manager who won the double in his first season after a solitary trophyless campaign ridiculous. Ancelotti has experience of reigniting ageing sides at Milan. There have been signs in recent weeks that he’s capable of doing just the same at Chelsea.

This “average” United side could win a treble
I have to admit I’ve been waiting all season long for this United side to come a-cropper. Now they’re odds-on to win the Premier League, and in the semi-finals of both the FA Cup and Champions League. It’s a huge testament to a winning mentality instilled in the culture of the club by the manager. If he is able to claim all three prizes once more, 12 years after the Nou Camp, would Alex Ferguson finally decide to go out on a high?

The ratio of metaphors used to words spoken or written about football may be higher than for any other topic.  Expressions, however bizarre (“part and parcel”?), are more contagious than nits and become cliches almost before you have heard them.  Some are amusing, often in a playground fashion.  Some are arresting and attract attention in the midst of the clamour. Many are hackneyed and banal, but to describe a player who fails to control the ball as “having the touch of a rapist” or a team comprehensively beaten as having been “raped” is simply profoundly offensive.

Rape is a horrific crime that can ruin people’s lives.  A rapist is someone who commits this crime, not someone who misjudges a pass. Last year, 435,000  people were raped or suffered sexual violence.  9 out of 10 rapes are never reported.  More than a third of serious sexual assault victims tell nobody what has happened to them.  The long term effects of rape are not about a poor goal difference or failing to qualify for the Champion’s League – they are about depression, anxiety, self-harm, suicide.

Choose a different term.

One has to be careful when the saying the title of this post out loud lest somebody assume you were talking about Butch’s urine.

Anyway, it’s half-time in Madrid and Spurs are 1-0 down. Co-commentating with Alan Parry, Ray Wilkins has referred to Spurs constantly as ‘we’. Yes, Ray Wilkins who played for Chelsea, Man United, Milan, Rangers and QPR. The Ray Wilkins who made a grand total of no appearances for them. The Ray Wilkins who was assistant manager of Chelsea. Who are supposed to hate Tottenham.

It was ‘we’ this. ‘We’ that. Yet then, as everyone was asking ‘Why the fuck is Ray Wilkins referring to Spurs as we?’ he told us.

“I say ‘we’ as an Englishman”.

Ahh, that’s ok. So when Ray Wilkins refers to ‘we’ he’s talking about the good English team. The one with all those Englishmen in the starting line-up.

All three of them. Ignore the Brazilians, French, Croatians, Welsh etc. Nice to see Sky replace a lecherous misogynist with a jingoistic nationalist.

Talk about equal opportunities.