Three and in – not just another football blog

Every week Lawrence Gray-Hodson, a man who made his name in the upper reaches of Division 2 in the 1970s and 80s as well as being a former Scotland and England international, writes a column exclusively for Three and in.

This week he looks at Roy Hodgson’s Liverpool plight.

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It was with great sympathy that I read the comments of Roy Hodgson after Liverpool’s defeat to Wolves last night. I fully understand that it was a terrible result from a team who are struggling badly this season. I also fully understand how Liverpool fans are upset that a team which finished second just a couple of seasons ago is now struggling to make the UEFA Cup places.

But who could not have been moved by Roy when he said:

Ever since I came here the famous Anfield support hasn’t really been there. I have to hope the fans will become supporters because we need support – we are not deliberately losing.

It’s been obvious since day one that Liverpool fans don’t like Roy Hodgson. To them he’s like a step-parent who has taken the place of their real dad. Yet they ignore the fact that their real dad was a rioja swilling buffoon who spent £20m on Robbie Keane. If Benitez was their real dad and Liverpool was their mum then their dad used to get into bad moods and slap her about the face a bit.

Yet when it’s your real dad you’re willing to overlook his flaws. Forget that he alienated your best midfielder so he could bring in the honest but limited Gareth Barry. Forget that when the title was there to be had his team conceded four goals to a Russian who barely moves from a 20 yard patch the entire game.

Along came Roy and he is kindly. He tried to win the Liverpool fans over by bringing them a present. “Hi”, he said, “I’m not trying to take the place of your real dad but here’s a Joe Cole to play with”. Granted, it’s a bit like getting second hand lego that has been chewed by a dog but at least the thought was there. From the start the famous Liverpool support turned their nose up at him.

That’s not support. That’s the opposite of support. You know the Scousers, so happy to wallow in misery that I bet many of them are enjoying this season much more than title winning ones because it means they always have something to cry about. I fully expect a group of celebrities to make a video about how Hodgson is killing their club. First it was Hicks and Gillett, then Hodgson, whoever comes next will be to blame I imagine.

The Brazilian Robbie Savage is the driving force of the Liverpool midfield

Is it Roy Hodgson’s fault that Liverpool only have two good players? Fernando Torres stayed loyal this summer, while the midfield brilliance of Lucas will certainly see him move to a Champions League qualifying club. The rest of the squad is average but Hodgson didn’t sign most of them. Most of them were signed by their real dad. A man who had quality strikers like Crouch and Bellamy on his books yet sold them so he could bring in a left back like Dossena.

I’m loath to criticise an Englishman but where exactly is the captain Steven Gerrard? His furrowed brow is all well and good, we know he cares about the club, but in recent games he’s been nigh on invisible. Why does he not find himself on the receiving end of some fan disgruntlement? It seems as if it’s one rule for Roy and one for special Stevie.

I remember when I was in the middle of my career and we had a change of manager. The fans didn’t take to him at first, chanting against him because the man who came before him was popular. It didn’t matter that he’d nearly had us relegated. The fans loved the way he dealt with the press, the chairman, the players. The new man found it tough at first and we players let him down just as the Liverpool players are letting down Roy Hodgson.

During one game some of our fans showed their support by going to his house and spray-painting an enormous penis on the side of his house. Rather than watch their team they did that. And that’s what Liverpool fans are doing to Roy Hodgson. They are spray-painting a giant penis on the hallowed turf of Anfield.

Maybe the Liverpool fans need to take a long hard look in the mirror. When times are tough a real supporter supports his team, through thick and thin and all that. There are those who say the crowd should react to the team, and that’s a fair point, but what about the crowd being the 12th man? At the moment Liverpool’s 12th man is Ronnie Rosenthal against Aston Villa, a tubby Jew who isn’t much good except missing an open goal from 8 yards out.

Is that how they want to be seen across the world? Liverpool’s problems go deeper than the decent Roy Hodgson. They might start in the boardroom but they spread to the pitch, the dressing room and to the stands in which these so-called supporters sit.

Sure, they want what’s best for their club but maybe they ought to realise that their mum has kicked out their real dad for being mean and abusive. They may not like who their mum is sleeping with right now but they’ve got to grow up, stop being kids and just play with the chewed up lego they’ve got.

Nobody likes crybabies or spoiled kids and that’s what Liverpool fans are right now.

After Stoke’s game with Fulham, Tony Pulis refused to shake Mark Hughes’ hand.  After the game, Pulis confirmed it was a retaliatory gesture after Hughes refused his hand back in September.:

“He has done it when we played in the League Cup and now I have done it back,” Pulis said. “It’s two Welshmen with a bit of competition. I certainly won’t lose any sleep over it and I’m sure he won’t.”

The childish tit for tat tactics of Pulis are surprising enough, but even more so when you put them in the context of his comments almost exactly a year ago:

“Arsene Wenger has made a decision not to shake Mark Hughes’ hand, whether that is right or wrong you’d have to ask him.

But personally, whether I like or dislike someone, you have a responsibility to show the right spirit of the game.

And whether you disagreed with Mark being outside of his technical area at one stage, in the spirit of the game you should still shake hands.

That’s not only for people in the Premier League or Championship, it is also for young teams and young managers to see.

You should shake hands, you don’t have to go for a drink afterwards with them for a tittle-tattle.”

It seems this mans ethics are a good deal more flexible than his tactics.

Thanks to Zonal Marking for the heads up.

Robert Pires might not have contributed much to Aston Villa yet, but he continues to make himself a hero to Arsenal fans:

Clearly a lot of animosity between the pair. Hard to explain, until you remember that it was Pires who dived to win a crucial penalty against Harry’s Pompey back at Highbury. Managers, like elephants and Martin Tyler, never forget.

Readers based in Britain will be used to Gary Lineker’s deeply uninteresting introductory tidbits on the increasingly painful Match of the Day. Readers abroad will simply remember him as the jug-eared, crisp-pushing flop at Barcelona. But that’s by the by.

Last night, Lineker was smarmily welcoming in highlights of Tottenham’s 2-1 win against Gerard Houllier’s hapless Aston Villa, when he accidentally said something that approached a useful piece of information. I wasn’t the only one surprised: Lee Dixon’s remaining hair stood up on end, and Mark Lawrenson’s jowelly draw hit the floor with a satisfying plop.

Going in to the game, 52% of Spurs’ league goals this season had been scored with a left-boot. After the game, and Rafael Van der Vaart’s left-footed brace, it was 53.8%.

It wasn’t just their finishing that owed to the lefties. The fact Van der Vaart drifted to that flank created the space for Alan Hutton to cross for the first goal, while their second was a counter-attack started by Van der Vaart and carried primarily by the southpaw Gareth Bale.

As a left-footer myself, I can look at the Premier League top scorers charts with a degree of pride. As well as Van der Vaart, Florent Malouda features high up, with Andy Carroll on 11 goals already – though how many of those were scored with his feet is uncertain.

Of course, it’s not uncertain. It’d simply require research. Which, at this time of year, I am disinclined to do. Hopefully as the season the Match of the Day researchers will be less lazy. Perhaps next month they’ll conspire to come up with something to rival this groundbreaking news.

Merry Christmas one and all. Or some other more agnostic but equally suitable festive greeting.

Christmas, as consumer culture and countless Coca-Cola ads have told us, is about Hope. There are millions of you out there, hoping. Hoping your Santa offers more than Cruz. Hoping Hoping your Rudolph is more reliable than Douala. Hoping your Turkey is as well stuffed as the national team were in their 3-0 defeat to Germany in October.

I hope your wishes all come true. My wish is that we get the Premier League back, asap. The snow is lovely and festive, but frankly, I’ve seen enough.

Have a good one, folks!

I don’t know about you but when I hear the word ‘flip’ I think of dolphins and dolphins are complete arseholes. Similarly, when I hear the word ‘flop’ I think of Terence Trent D’Arby’s second album.

Put them together and you’ve got a flip-flopper. Which is Nani. Check this from The Guardian just a couple of weeks ago:

And from today’s The Sun:

I think it’s fair to say Nani is a dolphin whose second album was unspeakably shit. Invert the pyramid on that, motherfuckers.

One could understand if ‘Big’ Big Sam was feeling a little down in the dumps earlier in the week.  Unceremoniously dismissed from Blackburn by, of all things, a foreign woman.

Reading this morning’s papers, however, he will have afforded himself a smile for the first time in a week or so.  No sooner is he out of work that another vacancy, far better suited to him, has appeared.  It’s unfortunate for Rafa Benitez, but Inter Milan and Sam Allardyce were made for each other.  Just ask the latter:

“I’m not suited to Bolton or Blackburn, I would be more suited to Inter or Real Madrid.  It wouldn’t be a problem to me to go and manage those clubs because I would win the double or the league every time. Give me Manchester United or Chelsea and I would do the same, it wouldn’t be a problem. It’s not where I’m suited to, it’s just where I’ve been for most of the time.”

Being sacked by Blackburn and then taking up the reigns at a European giant like Inter Milan is an unusual career.  But not an untrodden one.  Roy Hodgson left his post at Ewood Park in 1998 and shortly found himself in caretaker charge at the San Siro.

In reality, despite his boasts, Allardyce would never be considered for such an illustrious role.  His most promising lead on the job front at the moment is the currently occupied spot with West Ham, two points adrift at the bottom of the Premier League.

Allardyce’s sacking at Blackburn came about because he has a reductive style of football that is designed purely to bring safety and stability.  For some Premier League chairmen, that is enough.  But not for the ambitious Anuradha Desai.  He is never going to be able to bring the attractive, attacking football Blackburn’s new owners see as essential to climbing the domestic table and strutting out on to the continental map.  It is these same limitations that prevent Allardyce from being a candidate for jobs like the Inter one.

Allardyce would argue that his tactics are a consequence of necessity – that given the resources of a top club he’d be able to produce something easier on the eye.  But the fact is, he will not get that opportunity in England.  His sacking at Blackburn shows the glass ceiling that his head is constantly banging against: he is perceived as a manager for a relegation scrap, and little more.

He has long suggested that were his name ‘Sam Allardici’, perceptions would shift.  Perhaps so.  Whilst emulating Hodgson’s time at Inter Milan remains an unrealistic ambition, perhaps the man from Dudley should follow his lead in heading abroad.  Steve McClaren may be struggling at Wolfsburg as we speak, but he is proof of the augment to a reputation that leaving Britain can provide.

Even if Allardyce went to a more unfashionable league – Hodgson spent swathes of time in Scandinavia – winning a few trophies would add significantly to his credentials.  Only then will he be a realistic candidate for the jobs that ‘Allardici’ claims he deserves.

So Mario Balotelli won an award. It’s the ‘prestigious Golden Boy’ award, organised by Tuttosport. He then said of runner-up Jack Wilshere:

What’s his name? Wil…? No, I just don’t know him, but the next time I play against Arsenal I’ll try to be careful. Maybe I could show him the Golden Boy trophy and remind him that I won.

Yeah, that’d show him. An award most people have never heard of. Perhaps Balotelli was just making a little joke. I have my doubts though as he seems to be a young man who takes everything very seriously. Except professionalism.

Still, let’s look at Wilshere v Balotelli this season:

Appearances

Wilshere, in his first full season for Arsenal has 20 in all competitions plus 1 international. Balotelli 9 for Man City. The Italian has played 90 minutes just twice since his arrival in the summer.

Discipline

Wilshere 2 yellows, 1 red. Balotelli 3 yellows, 1 red. Clearly the City man has a much higher cards to games ratio.

Goals

Wilshere 1 league, 1 Champions League. Balotelli 2 league, 3 Mickey Mouse European competition. A decent enough return for Balotelli given the small number of games he’s played but he needs to score against better opposition than FCU Poli and Salzburg.

Assists

Wilshere has a a grand total of 5, 2 in the Premier League, 3 in the Champions League. Balotelli a whopping 0 in all competitions.

Ego

Wilshere:

Last year, I had to go out on loan to get some games because there were some world-class players at Arsenal, but I have come back with more experience and the boss thinks I am ready to challenge for a place. All I can do is challenge and show them what I can do.

Balotelli:

There’s only one that is a little stronger than me: Messi. All the others behind me.

The ‘others’ that Balotelli is referring to include Cesc Fabregas, Pato and Rafael van der Vaart, former winners of the Golden Boy. Fabregas, with his 300 or so senior appearances, European Championship and World Cup medals, is clearly behind Balotelli. We just needed someone to point that out to us.

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So, to conclude, Balotelli wins ego by a mile and may just edge goals but in everything else Wilshere wins. Balotelli might have a higher profile but that’s more to do with his short fuse and his off-field antics than anything he’s done as a player. There’s no doubting his talent but you have to think the fact it’s an Italian paper giving out the award that’s won it for him.

And you get the feeling he’ll never really know Wilshere because it would be a brave man who’d bet on him being in England long enough.

To everyone who voted for us in the Soccerlens awards we’re very grateful and delighted to have won Best New Site.

When you consider the competition – Zonal Marking, In Bed with Maradona and The Equaliser – it’s fantastic. So thank you all again, it’s really very much appreciated.

And thanks as well to our contributors, particularly Lawrence Gray-Hodson and the Lord of the Wing for their sterling contributions since the site was birthed (by cesaerean section) back in July.

Onwards and upwards. Or sideways. Like the bastard son of Denilson and Ray Wilkins.

Perhaps the ‘leaf/book’ one is an odd analogy to headline with.  Despite Harpersport’s publication of ‘Wayne Rooney: My Story So Far’, neither Rooney or Tevez strike me as particularly literary figures.  However, they are united by the one book they both understand perfectly well: the cheque-book.

Tevez and Rooney are from opposite sides of the globe, yet their lives and careers have shared several parallels.  Both emerged from urban poverty to make themselves global football superstars with a distinctive, all-action style.  They even went on to become twin strike partners at Manchester United – all too often split up because their games were ‘too similar’.  And latterly, since Tevez’s switch across the city, they have become emblematic of the blue and red divide that splits Manchester.

It’s probably fair to say Tevez’s move to City was motivated, in large part, by money.  Whilst his wages are already exorbitant, he and his agent Kia Joorabchian will have glanced with interest at Wayne Rooney’s flagrant, and successful, wage-raising tactics at United.

Rooney’s demands were eventually met, and a resolution reached.  It’s not hard to imagine that Tevez looked at his importance to City, and wondered if a similar proportional increase might be possible.  Statements talked of missing his family and ‘irreparably broken’ relations with un-named board members.   The reality seems to have been rather different: one meeting today was able to resolve all Tevez’s concerns, and just as with Rooney, his transfer request was withdrawn with immediate effect.

City say no pay rise will be forthcoming, but one wonders if that policy will hold come the summer.  Just a few weeks ago, club and player were renegotiating image rights.  Who would be surprised if a settlement favourable to Tevez and Joorabchian was soon reached?  The Argentine has followed Rooney’s rebellious lead, and strengthened both his hand and his position.  If results like last night’s home defeat to Everton continue, manager Roberto Mancini could find himself the first of the quarrelsome pair out of the door.