There are great mysteries in life. Such as the lost city of Atlantis, the Bermuda Triangle, how they made Stonehenge, the fact that people pay the slightest bit of attention to anything Stan Collymore or Robbie Savage says and Arsenal not buying a goalkeeper during this transfer window.
Some of them are easily solved:
Atlantis – either never existed or it was sunk by a gigantic earthquake/tsunami or godzilla. The Bermuda Triangle was invented by Barry Manilow to enable a chart topping hit. Stonehenge was made with great difficulty, people are stupid and will listen to any old crap and as for the final one, well … erm … good question.
Here are some three and in suggestions as to why Arsenal failed to bring in a keeper.
1 – Sebastien Squillaci has been fitted with a forcefield which will prevent any shots reaching the Arsenal goalmouth
2 – Manuel Almunia is a Jedi, not a very good Jedi but a Jedi nonetheless, and he told Arsene Wenger ‘This is not the goalkeeper you are looking for’ when he saw him looking at Mark Schwarzer’s scouting file
3 – Pat Rice and Arsene Wenger are having a ‘Trading Places‘ style bet with regard to Lukasz Fabianski.
4 – Vito Mannone’s people called up Fulham’s people and made them an offer they couldn’t refuse
5 – Wenger is hoping to bring back Alex Manninger and Richard Wright in January
6 – The Arsenal manager believes so strongly in Carlos Vela’s ability to score a hat-trick in every game he wants to make matches fairer by sticking with what he’s got.
7 – The thought of one of the current goalkeepers leaving made Emmanuel Eboue so upset he threatened never to wear his tiger suit again.
8 – It is impossible to make an English language anagram from ‘Wojciech Szczesny’. As he is the only unanagrammable goalkeeper in the Premier League it was thought best not to bring in somebody who would get in his way.
It was also felt that as Shay Given anagrams as ‘A sigh, envy’ it would be best to leave him at Man City so said anagram can remain applicable to Arsenal fans.
9 – The Arsenal board heard Alan Brazil on TalkSport insisting that Arsenal needed to buy a goalkeeper. Understandably they figured the best thing to do, in matters football, is the opposite of what Alan Brazil thinks and refused to sanction any deal.
10 – Bob Wilson, a keen student of Nostradamus, advised Arsene Wenger of prophecy XII which reads:
Connected by wires the masses complain
the man with the gloves brings so much pain
yet keep what you have for the silver refrain
bejesus said paddy over and over and over again
Please note this list is not conclusive. Feel free to suggest your own reasons. Many of these reasons may be entirely false, making the likelihood of one of them being true all the higher.
